It's Sunday morning and I did not go to church...again...just don't want to be around anybody...especially a crowd..can't shake this depression...damn pills just make my stomach hurt and cause weight gain...have a follow-up with my doctor this month...maybe we can try something different...again. 'Been like this since returning from my visit to Covington last Monday...not sure how I'll handle the reunion later this month ..It's ok until I return home. Sometimes I really don't want to see any of those who I went to school with...I don't know any of them...I knew them then but that was over 50 years ago..I do not know them now and they do not know me. Barbara moved all of her appointments on that Friday and Saturday in order to go with me...I have to go.
I just want to be with you, Bob...I miss you so much darling...no one really knows the depth of my sorrow...you are in my thoughts constantly...occasionally it makes me smile, mostly it makes me cry. I saw some of the Texas/Rice game yesterday...it hurt...how many football games have we watched together...how many.... I watch movies to try and think of something else...how many movies have we watched together...how many... I'm so lonely....how many times did we just sit together, holding hands...how many......how many times in our life together did we make love to each other?...how many.. You have been part of me my entire life...the 16 years that I lived before we met do not count for anything...those years were lonely, empty, needy...then you came into my life and changed it all...I began to live...you gave me your love, you gave me your children, you gave me a home, you gave me safety, you were devoted, faithful, encouraging....an honorable man......to say that it is so hard to live without you is such an understatement....do you know? I hope that you do not...I want you to be at peace and just waiting for me to join you.....that's probably not the way its going to be, but I can hope. I cannot bare to think that we will never know each other again. After giving us the life that we had together that would be so unkind of God to do that.