Friday, October 29, 2010

this time last year

May 10, 2009...my sweet husband



four  months later...Sept. 2009

After suffering respiratory failure due to 35 radiation treatments on his throat Bob was "off and on" a ventalator in ICU at Baylor Hospital , Plano... from Aug 20th until Sept. 5,   (16 days) ...He  was then transferred to Kindred Rehab Hospital, Dallas...We were at Kindred from Sept. 5 until Oct. 2nd...He remained in ICU   for the first week there...while in ICU  I was allowed to use a room on the second floor, when he was able to leave ICU we were given a double room and I was allowed to stay with him day and night..



By the middle of the month he was strong enough to be out of bed for a while....his physical therapist ..she called herself "Sarge"..... worked him hard..









Brian was his radiologist




Barb, David and the little boys came for a visit



we were counting off the days...wanted to be home by his birthday Oct. 5


 Sept. 25.. after seven weeks in the two hospitals he was able to go outside for the 1st time



his trech was removed on Sept. 30th.

Oct. 2nd...going home...going home...going...he smiles :)

























OCTOBER THRU APRIL 13  TH.
He worked very hard for the next six months trying to recover...



The  following is a post from Oct. 24
after having had another scan...
He had just stepped out of the shower... sitting on his bathroom chair ...I was drying him off....he was cold...the phone rang...I threw a towel around his shoulders ...running from the room I said "it may be the doctor"...it was.
"good news...looks like we got it all...he's cancer free"
 it looks like?
"The original site is clean"..
he continued.."there's one lymph node in the neck we want to check further...probably just scar tissue...we'll do a CT Scan next week and if it lights up we'll just remove it." ....(if it lights up?)
Now this part is even more strange...I returned to the bathroom and relayed the message to Bobby...all he did was put his arms around me to comfort me as I shed tears (of course) into his neck.
He said nothing.
"Aren't you relieved?"...
a mild "I guess so."...
"you guess so?"
"hadn't you considered the possibility of the treatment not being successful?"
"not really...it's hard for me to get excited about anything .. there's so much wrong with me."

and he was right...there was much wrong..he was too weak, too sick to survive the illnesses that ensued the following five months...pneumonia (twice), sinus infections, edema (fluid accumulation in his throat and arms because of damage to lymph nodes, skin tears that wouldn't heal, arrhythmia, blood clots, continued weight loss, the onset of diabetes and high blood pressure, low oxygen levels, co2retention, seizures,  many, many drugs, headaches and eventually a fall that caused brain injury...too much, too much..first he could not walk or stand, then he could not sit  could not hear, could not speak, could move only his arms, rarely opened his eyes...could not breathe.
..........   this time last year.........

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

lets talk about the weather

Schools were let out at noon...sirens blowing all day....tornado warnings....damageing winds... rain...81 degrees and humid...The center of the first storm passed about 5 miles east of us around 2:15...

The wind was blowing HARD and raining...then it got very still and a bit dark...neighbors and family got into the storm cellar...(except for Barb and David...she went to a friends' who lives behind her shop and David was out of town)





 safety




we can all go home now...



 no damage...just some tree limbs down and lots of water...


Saturday, October 23, 2010

Letter # 42

February 5, 1952


"Hello Darling,
   Still love me? Sure hope you do.  I'd almost forgotten how lovely you are until I received your photo in the mail today.  Charlene, never let anyone deceive you into believing you aren't beautiful.  I'm convinced, and personally, though I'm slightly biased in my opinion of you, I think I have quite a critical eye when comparing and passing judgement on the lovelier sex....look who's talking! As though I could pass judgement on anyone!
   I'm pulling duty as "charge of quarters" tonight.  Up to now the tour has been somewhat uneventful but business will pick up later. 
   By the way, the snapshot was taken in front of your home wasn't it?
   I'll probably fall asleep before morning. It's now one o'clock.  Speaking of sleep, I notice there are slight, dark rings under your eyes.  Studying too hard? No joking, your eyes do look a little dark.  Take care of yourself,  Kitten, for me.  Remember, there have been and there may  be quite a few other men in your life, but none of them, no not one, will ever love you as I do.  I'll prove it too if I should ever get the chance.
   I often wonder if I'll ever be content to live in one place the rest of my life. Along this same line is another question...could I expect a wife to follow me from pillar to post?  Then I ask myself the sixty four dollar question.Which do you prefer? a wife, or the life of a perpetual globe trotter?  The answer is so easy.  A wife, family, home and the comforts of marital life.  Now you know.  I'm a home lover.
 Disillusioned?
   I'm trying to stay awake and it's a lost cause I'm afraid. There is some guy behind me mumbling something about a jeep and at present it's making no impression on me at all.  Speaking of minds, brains and intellect,  we'll have to try mental telepathy some time.  If you should wake up suddenly some night it could be my fault. It'll be because I'm thinking, or better still, concentrating on you.
   I've invested in a new radio since I last wrote you.  It's a Zenith, Trans Oceanic.  You've seen them I'm sure. I wouldn't take a pretty for mine.  I pick up both local and shortwave stations.  We picked up Grand Rapids Mi. the other night, It's tuned to some German station right now.  The music is sweet and low.  It's the slow, dreamy type music you enjoy dancing to when you're with your sweetheart.  Would you dance just one dance with me?  huh? Please, kitten.
   Well kitten, unless I wake up a little I'll never be able to finish this letter.  I have your photo propped against an ink bottle and it seems as though you're trying to say something.  So far you haven't had a chance to get a word in edgewise.  Nevertheless I've enjoyed the conversation.  Come again when you have longer to stay -- Whoa Peete! I strayed off on a tangent for a moment, didn't I.  As you can see I'm real sleepy so I'll have to say goodnight.  Remember my darling - Ich liebe dich.  In English it simply means "darling, I love you." always will. 
Be sweet libeling,
All my love,
Bob

P.S.  If parts in this letter don't make sense, ignore them.  All I wanted to say anyway is - I miss you, kitten.
Love forever
Bob"

As things turned out, he loved being home but he also loved to travel and his job allowed him to do that....and I followed him...from Tennessee to Arkansas to Texas to California to Chicago, back to Texas, back to Chicago and then finally, back to Texas.....over 57 years time...I want to say "and I loved every minute of it" but as it is in all of life, there were some times that weren't as wonderful as others...just normal stressful times ...mostly financial...Our marriage, our life together, our children our home,  our welfare.. were ALWAYS his number one priority...and he made sure that I knew that...always willing to express  his feelings ,,,WHAT A MAN !!!!  It's not just because he's gone that I feel this way..I've always felt this way about him...he was, and is, so easy to love.... thank you, my darling..how I wish that I could be sitting beside you,  touch your face, hold your hand, hear your voice ..






2007




Thursday, October 21, 2010

Generations

People who don't cherish their elderly
have forgotten whence they came
and whither they go. ~Ramsey Clark

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Six days of sightseeing, shopping and visiting with family

Brother Ed and 'wife Marty arrieved from Minneapolis this past Wednesday...'first time they've been to Alabama since Bob and I moved here. They came to Dallas last summer...prior to that it had been several years since we visited.
He did some work around my house for me...installed a ceiling fan/light fixture in my little "work room" and spent a few hours every day cleaning up my computer...seems to have gotten rid of most of the problems I was having. Marty enjoys reading so whenever we weren't running around she spent her spare time engrossed in a book.
On Saturday we had resevations in Fayetteville, Tn. for lunch at Miss Bobo's.. Originally built in 1867 and named the Salmon House, it served as a traveler’s hotel, operated by Dr. E.Y. Salmon. In 1908, Jack and Mary Bobo purchased the property and named it the Bobo Hotel. Miss Mary Bobo ran the boarding house until her death in 1983, just a few days before her 102nd birthday. The property was then purchased by the Jack Daniels Company.
Miss Bobo's is now run under the direction of Jack Daniel's great-great niece, Miss Lynne Tolley.

"Lynchburg is the seat of Moore County, the smallest county in Tennessee. Even though it’s home to the Jack Daniels Distillery, it’s a dry county and has been ever since Prohibition. And while the Distillery may be the main attraction here, you don't want to miss other local favorites like lunch at Miss Mary Bobo’s Boarding House and a trip to the Lynchburg Hardware And General Store."

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We did not tour the Distillery but continued on over to Sewanee, Tn.  Sewanee is a census-designated place (CDP) in Franklin County and is the home of the "University of the South". The population was 2,361 at the 2000 census. ...

 

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last Saturday we did the "BellBuckle" thing...

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Monday, October 11, 2010

I DIED A DEATH

I died a death but stayed alive
In phantom's likeness I survive
Alive, yet dead, I walk alone
In rooms with walls as cold as stone

I lived a life and dreamed a dream
And loved the life you lived with me
Then in the whisper of a breath
You left, and then I died a death

Though dead I live, I cannot part
From love that lives within my heart
Within my sorrow I must strive
To keep my hope and faith alive

For all the love that I would give
I surely would prefer to live
To be content, not to survive
But feel my spirit come alive

You slowly took your final breath
'Twas me, my dear, who died a death

Elizabeth Santos

Sunday, October 10, 2010

How Great Is Our God

We went to a concert last night...it was just like this, only better...he played guitar instead of piano...also, he didn't need a shave :) If you ever have a chance to see Chris Tomlin don't miss it.
This young man hails from Lufkin in east Texas

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Caramia

video

Time does not bring relief

Time does not bring relief; you all have lied who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,and last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;
but last year's bitter loving must remain
heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide.

There are a hundred places where I fear to go
- so with his memory they brim.
and entering with relief some quiet place where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, 'There is no memory of him here!'
And so stand stricken, still remembering him.


Edna St Vincent Millay (1892 -1950)

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Ever Notice?

EVER NOTICE, THE OLDER WE GET, THE MORE WE'RE LIKE COMPUTERS ?

WE START OUT WITH LOTS OF MEMORY AND DRIVE,
THEN WE BECOME OUTDATED,
"CRASH" AT ODD MOMENTS,
AND EVENTUALLY HAVE TO GET
OUR PARTS REPLACED