A repost...cause I'm still mad..not the greatest post for the Christmas season...buy hey, it's my blog!

Tuesday, June 30, 2009


I'm mad as hell !!##!*!!

Cancer cannot cripple love...shatter hope...corrode faith...kill friendship...suppress memories...invade the soul...steal eternal life...
BUT STILL..

I'm mad as hell...
Chemotherapy and radiation ravage the body...robbing it of all familiar and treasured things.. the smile gone from his face is replaced with a furrowed brow...his eyes opened only occasionally, and then just wide enough to observe cloudiness and pain...his evening snoring has now become quiet moaning or mutterings...interrupted by choking because he's unable to swallow..

I'm mad as hell!!

The hours he loved to spend just sitting, studying the Bible.. contemplating with a free mind directed toward God...his heart filled with thanksgiving to Him for all that He has blessed us with...now his days and nights are spent lying in bed, striving to escape from his present condition through drug-induced sleep.

I'm mad as hell...

His treatments have robbed him of so much...
He can no longer drive, take his walks, swallow, talk without discomfort..(so he doesn't talk)...... He can no longer view his favorite Fox Cable News, Bill O'Riley, Texas Longhorn sports events...attend church on Sundays...share time with his buddies at PBC on Saturday morning prayer times and Monday evening bible study...attend the monthly Care Group meetings with our Christian friends, sharing a meal and just spending time learning to love each other....

I'm mad as hell!!!

We no longer drive over to Braums for a dip of chocolate chip ice cream, or go to Del's for a mushroom burger and home-made root beer,or enjoy a nice lunch at LaMadalines', or meet up with our boys and their kids at Keller's Drive In for a Sunday night burger and Corona...or take in an occasionally movie...the man who always attempted a conversation with whomever he came in contact with..who "could talk to anybody", now wants to talk to nobody..

I'm mad as hell!!

It was a simple life...but it was OUR life..

All this..and maybe

JUST MAYBE

it will destroy the cancer...no guarentees though...

I'm mad as hell !!!