Friday, November 5, 2010

Pain begets Pleasure..."I don't think so!"

"If love is a universal language, then the pain it often causes ( some might say it inevitable causes) is equally universal, yet that begs the more important question: Why can sad poems, songs and stories bring  us a strange kind of pleasure? I'm sure the psychologist have an answer to that question, and I'm equally sure that it's a different answer than a poet would give.

Maybe, in the end, the answer isn't so complex.  A burden born by one can often become too heavy to bear. Maybe, in the end, each of us knows that sharing our pain is the only way we can live with the pain."

I find myself needing to share my grief with anyone who will listen...needing to talk about it all the time..(as the posts on this blog bear wittness to)..and I find that others who have recently experienced loss need to do so as well. I continually cause myself to remember his illness and his death...heaping piles of grief upon my heart...why is this? Is it my way of bearing the it my way of punishing myself for perhaps some unacknowledged guilt I may have because he suffered and died and I did not...he, the one most undeserving of such suffering!  Although I certainly suffered, and continue to do so..he suffered both physical pain and emotional pain and death...I did not
I believe we will be together again some day...but some day is not here yet...and I must try to accept and overcome some things that are killing the old me...Maybe I do need to see a counselor.  I know I need adeepe r faith and trust in God.


  1. Maybe remembering is not your way of punishing yourself (of course, we know there is no reason to do that) but it is a connection to your beloved husband and maybe, somewhere in your subconsious you are afraid to let go. This is different, but when my first husband and I divorced, I could not let go of the pain. Eventually, I came to see that at least, if I did not have him, I had the pain that connected me to him. Is that crazy? Probably. I know he would tell you it's okay to be happy again, and that he still loves you very much. I pray for God to bless you Charlene! You are a wonderful lady, with such a loving family. Love you, Cathy

  2. I hope you continue to share, and unburden your heart. Your pain and thoughts do not need to be bottled up inside, your posts are like messages, and testaments, to love, life, loss, and grace. They are important. Keeping you close ~

  3. Thank you dear Cathy and Tina...
    I had not thought of that..."I do not have him but I have the pain that keeps me connected to him"...maybe that's why I'm keeping it so close. But, on the other hand, I have so much that should keep me close to him, our "24 others", so many wonderful memories...I don't know...sometimes I just want to throw up my hands and say "WHATEVER"...
    Tina, isn't God just so good that he allows us to be "connected", to have feelings for one another and we've never even met!

  4. I liked what Cathy said," I think he would want you to be happy again" and it is so hard to let go because remembering still keeps you connected. It is so hard for me to offer any suggestions as I have not walked in these shoes and until I do...I don't feel like I can offer any advise except to say I love you and it breaks my heart to see you so unhappy. I know your kids want you to be yourself again. Perhaps that would help you regain your happiness of life to find a new responsibility that will take your mind off of the pain of remembering the past. I know you are trying and that is all we are doing as well is trying to say something that will ease that pain. Look forward to seeing you over the Thanksgiving holidays. Jo Ann


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