Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I'm mad as hell !!##!*!!

Cancer cannot cripple love...shatter hope...corrode faith...kill friendship...suppress memories...invade the soul...steal eternal life...

I'm mad as hell...
Chemotherapy and radiation ravage the body...robbing it of all familiar and treasured things.. the smile gone from his face is replaced with a furrowed brow...his eyes opened only occasionally, and then just wide enough to observe cloudiness and pain...his evening snoring has now become quiet moaning or mutterings...interrupted by choking because he's unable to swallow..
I'm mad as hell!!

The hours he loved to spend just sitting, studying the Bible.. contemplating with a free mind directed toward God...his heart filled with thanksgiving to Him for all that He has blessed us with...now his days and nights are spent lying in bed, striving to escape from his present condition through drug-induced sleep.
I'm mad as hell...

His treatments have robbed him of so much...
He can no longer drive, take his walks, swallow, talk without discomfort..(so he doesn't talk)...... He can no longer view his favorite Fox Cable News, Bill O'Riley, Texas Longhorn sports events...attend church on Sundays...share time with his buddies at PBC on Saturday morning prayer times and Monday evening bible study...attend the monthly Care Group meetings with our Christian friends, sharing a meal and just spending time learning to love each other....
I'm mad as hell!!!

We no longer drive over to Braums for a dip of chocolate chip ice cream, or go to Del's for a mushroom burger and home-made root beer,or enjoy a nice lunch at LaMadalines', or meet up with our boys and their kids at Keller's Drive In for a Sunday night burger and Corona...or take in an occasionally movie...the man who always attempted a conversation with whomever he came in contact with..who "could talk to anybody", now wants to talk to nobody..
I'm mad as hell!!

It was a simple life...but it was OUR life..
All this..and maybe
it will destroy the cancer...no guarentees though...
I'm mad as hell !!!


  1. This fall will be like it used to be. I never wished summer was over so quickly, but I sure do this year. Love your pictures. Blessings

  2. ...and that maybe is a big 70%. That's a great chance, and with dad's general health I think that's even better. Give him a kiss for me today. blessings

  3. I pray.
    I love you.

  4. "This is the true joy in life: being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one. Being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as I live it is my privilege - my privilege - to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I love. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me; it is a sort of splendid torch which I've got a hold of for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations."
    - George Bernard Shaw

    Remember that Bob has always worked hard, which means he always loved hard. No matter the outcome, the previous days leading to life's decision, were mighty ones. Every one. No matter how mundane to most rest of the world, they were infinitely special to you - and all who knows and loves him - and that is what matters most.


Thanks for your comments..I enjoy receiving them..