This is the time of year when we like to share with friends who, perhaps, live far away or, at least, not close enough to have shared the years events as they occurred. I always enjoy receiving "Christmas Letters"...noticing what kind of paper is used, how each one is laid out, the attitudes expressed by the writer, etc....not to mention hearing what has occurred in the life of each friend. As a rule the information is shared in the order of occurrence...i.e. Jan. thru Dec...
I don't think I've ever written one..and this year will be no exception..
primarily because the events in my life were of such magnitude that anyone who knows me has already been informed
Besides; who wants to hear that in January and February, Bob, who had already suffered much in 2009, began to slip away from us?.
Who wants to hear that in Jan. and Feb. his weakened, 80 year old body had pneumonia twice and was in the hospital at lease three times..
Who wants to hear of our anxiety over getting him home ...our emphasis had switched from doing everything in our power to keep him alive to just getting him home and keeping him as comfortable as possible .....we did not want him to die in a hospital .The previous 10 months he had spent so much time in one that he came to really resent being there..we wanted him home! God granted us that.
Who wants to hear that the first two weeks in March he lay unable to hear, speak, move...
Who wants to hear that a week before he died his condition had became so critical that Hospice told us to stop feeding him because his normal body functions were shutting down and it could possibly cause him to vomit and choke to death and it would also only prolong his suffering? Who, in their right mind, wants to hear that!
And what about my "attitude"?
This is where I should talk about how good our God is...how His love is enough to fill the void in my life...to sustain me through my grief...to give me peace..... I never expected us to escape death...of course it is inevitable...and as His word tells us "time and chance happens to us all."..so there was no great surprise experienced when he was diagnosed with cancer...well, I guess there was some...He had been so diligent with taking care of himself...exercising, eating right, had never been sick except for an occasional cold, while I, on the other hand was not nearly as self-disciplined and my body is paying the price...I expected that I would be the first to go.
This is where I should exhibit a good example of what being a Christian means...I know in my heart that He is there for me...but my every thought is of my loss..my every moment alone is with Bob..I don't want to "get on with life" if it means leaving him behind..he's been with me always.
I do have much to be grateful for and I'm thankful for that...
..... perhaps peace will come at a later date...I'm not there yet..