He had just stepped out of the shower... sitting on his bathroom chair ...I was drying him off....he was cold...the phone rang...I threw a towel around his shoulders ...running from the room I said "it may be the doctor"...it was.
"good news...looks like we got it all...he's cancer free"
it looks like?
"The original site is clean"..
he continued.."there's one lymph node in the neck we want to check further...probably just scar tissue...we'll do a CT Scan next week and if it lights up we'll just remove it." ....(if it lights up?)
Now this part is even more strange...I returned to the bathroom and relayed the message to Bobby...all he did was put his arms around me to comfort me as I shed tears (of course) into his neck.
He said nothing.
"Aren't you relieved?"...
a mild "I guess so."...
"you guess so?"
"hadn't you considered the possibility of the treatment not being successful?"
"not really...it's hard for me to get excited about anything .. there's so much wrong with me."
and he was right...there was much wrong..he was too weak, too sick to survive the illnesses that ensued the following five months...pneumonia (twice), sinus infections, edema (fluid accumulation in his throat and arms because of damage to lymph nodes, skin tears that wouldn't heal, arrhythmia, blood clots, continued weight loss, the onset of diabetes and high blood pressure, low oxygen levels, co2retention, seizures, many, many drugs, headaches and eventually a fall that caused brain injury...too much, too much..first he could not walk or stand, then he could not sit could not hear, could not speak, could move only his arms, rarely opened his eyes...could not breathe.
.......... this time last year.........