yesterday

Nov. 13th...seven months
April                                                                    



May   new life

June  Nick, Anna and Katy  come for a visit

                (from Texas)

July  Brian and Bobby are here,,for four weeks!

            from Texas

August Nicki is here for a week

                   from Chicago

September  Barb and  I go to Destin

 at school with  Thomas  for Grandparents Day..

October   Ed and Marty are here for a week

                           from Eden Prairie, Mn.

November  

going to Dallas for a week.....

GOD IS GOOD

On Becoming a Slob

"Main Entry: slob

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: pig

Synonyms: boor, draggletail, hog, ragamuffin, slattern, sloven, swine, tatterdemalion "

I plan  to pick up, hang up and clean up...it may even be today!



Letter # 44

"March 5, 1952

Hello Darling,
   Guess where I am at present.  Since it would take approximately 18 days to receive an answer to this query I'll tell you.  I'm in the 16th Field Hospital in Nurnburg.  Question two, guess what I'm being treated for.  Answer, "the mumps"...Now ain't that a shame? A twenty two year old self professed man lying in bed with the mumps.  Sounds slightly degrading doesn't it?"

(It turns out he ended up spending 20 days in the hospital, with ice packs between his legs.....that's right...the mumps dropped to his testicles...which could have made him sterile...we lucked out...it did not...proff, we had 5 children together)


"If I'm not mistaken, it has been a month since I've written.  I hope you don't think it's because I've forgotten you.  How could I when those eleven days in paradise were spent with you .I've often wondered if that wasn't as near heaven as I'll get."   (I'm not sure that I totally believed that  at that time...his letters has become so infrequent. ) " I sometimes think that I'm living too much in the past and not giving much thought to the future. You'll have to excuse this penmanship as I'm writing while lying in bed.


Kitten, take some good advice.  Have as much fun as possible while you're in high school.  Date every available, decent male that you can because you'll miss those good times after you're out of school.  Believe it or not, I didn't date anyone while I was in high school.   During the last 4 years I've tried to make up for all the time  I lost though,. " (A ha ! is he trying to tell me something? just kidding......he never had a problem saying exactly what was on his mind...not with me anyway.)
"I want you to be sure in your own mind that you're ready to settle down before I get back. I hope that I'm not taking too much for granted in talking to you this way.


Know something, I wish that you and I could take a weeks vacation in Florida about Feb. '53, but there are those social conventionalities that prohibit things of that nature. I don't mean to be vulgar or obscene,but we  could have heaps of fun, couldn't we."  (Ah..the good 'ol days...when that was considered vulgar and obscene!)   


"I've been admiring this latest photo I have of you and you look much older than when I left Prettier too, if that's possible.


You keep asking if I'm coming home in June.  Sorry honey, it's impossible.  It'll be sometime in Feb. of '53.  There's one consolation though, ..I'll be home for good then.  Remember this darling, we'll be together again someday.  That's a promise.


I love you, Kitten,
Bob"


I would receive only one more letter from him...a month later.  Maybe he was still trying to make up for all those "good times" he lost out on during high school :)   ...He loved me though...and he proved it when he came home and for the next 57years ...

"say what?"

Idle thoughts at 3am...

Do we not all have  memories of special words or, beter yet, translations of words that our children have amused us with when they were very young?  What came out of the mouth was different than what entered the ear..  Here are three of the Peete family's...that we oft times still use today.

"high heels" became "hill-highs"
"coat hangers" became "hanger-coats"
and my favorite:
"bon fire" became "box-a-fire"

In  2001, while on a visit here is see Barb and David,  we had a bon-fire ...what we burned were boxes... Bobby (grandson) who was 4 years old at the time couldn't get the idea of "bon-fire" in his head...we were burning boxes so therefore it was a "box-a-fire"...don't know where the -a- came from...

What were some of your family's?

Pain begets Pleasure..."I don't think so!"

"If love is a universal language, then the pain it often causes ( some might say it inevitable causes) is equally universal, yet that begs the more important question: Why can sad poems, songs and stories bring  us a strange kind of pleasure? I'm sure the psychologist have an answer to that question, and I'm equally sure that it's a different answer than a poet would give.

Maybe, in the end, the answer isn't so complex.  A burden born by one can often become too heavy to bear. Maybe, in the end, each of us knows that sharing our pain is the only way we can live with the pain."

I find myself needing to share my grief with anyone who will listen...needing to talk about it all the time..(as the posts on this blog bear wittness to)..and I find that others who have recently experienced loss need to do so as well. I continually cause myself to remember his illness and his death...heaping piles of grief upon my heart...why is this? Is it my way of bearing the pain...is it my way of punishing myself for perhaps some unacknowledged guilt I may have because he suffered and died and I did not...he, the one most undeserving of such suffering!  Although I certainly suffered, and continue to do so..he suffered both physical pain and emotional pain and death...I did not
I believe we will be together again some day...but some day is not here yet...and I must try to accept and overcome some things that are killing the old me...Maybe I do need to see a counselor.  I know I need adeepe r faith and trust in God.

JUST FOR FUN

This free slideshow design created with Smilebox

Halloween Party Saturday night

Double L and Barb had employees from the shop and their families over for hot dogs, fun and games...I'll have to get pics from Barb's camera as mine was not working good...

this time last year

May 10, 2009...my sweet husband

four  months later...Sept. 2009

After suffering respiratory failure due to 35 radiation treatments on his throat Bob was "off and on" a ventalator in ICU at Baylor Hospital , Plano... from Aug 20th until Sept. 5,   (16 days) ...He  was then transferred to Kindred Rehab Hospital, Dallas...We were at Kindred from Sept. 5 until Oct. 2nd...He remained in ICU   for the first week there...while in ICU  I was allowed to use a room on the second floor, when he was able to leave ICU we were given a double room and I was allowed to stay with him day and night..

By the middle of the month he was strong enough to be out of bed for a while....his physical therapist ..she called herself "Sarge"..... worked him hard..

Brian was his radiologist

Barb, David and the little boys came for a visit

we were counting off the days...wanted to be home by his birthday Oct. 5

 Sept. 25.. after seven weeks in the two hospitals he was able to go outside for the 1st time

his trech was removed on Sept. 30th.

Oct. 2nd...going home...going home...going...he smiles :)



OCTOBER THRU APRIL 13  TH.

He worked very hard for the next six months trying to recover...



The  following is a post from Oct. 24

after having had another scan...

He had just stepped out of the shower... sitting on his bathroom chair ...I was drying him off....he was cold...the phone rang...I threw a towel around his shoulders ...running from the room I said "it may be the doctor"...it was.

"good news...looks like we got it all...he's cancer free"

 it looks like?

"The original site is clean"..

he continued.."there's one lymph node in the neck we want to check further...probably just scar tissue...we'll do a CT Scan next week and if it lights up we'll just remove it." ....(if it lights up?)

Now this part is even more strange...I returned to the bathroom and relayed the message to Bobby...all he did was put his arms around me to comfort me as I shed tears (of course) into his neck.

He said nothing.

"Aren't you relieved?"...

a mild "I guess so."...

"you guess so?"

"hadn't you considered the possibility of the treatment not being successful?"

"not really...it's hard for me to get excited about anything .. there's so much wrong with me."

and he was right...there was much wrong..he was too weak, too sick to survive the illnesses that ensued the following five months...pneumonia (twice), sinus infections, edema (fluid accumulation in his throat and arms because of damage to lymph nodes, skin tears that wouldn't heal, arrhythmia, blood clots, continued weight loss, the onset of diabetes and high blood pressure, low oxygen levels, co2retention, seizures,  many, many drugs, headaches and eventually a fall that caused brain injury...too much, too much..first he could not walk or stand, then he could not sit  could not hear, could not speak, could move only his arms, rarely opened his eyes...could not breathe.

..........   this time last year.........

lets talk about the weather

Schools were let out at noon...sirens blowing all day....tornado warnings....damageing winds... rain...81 degrees and humid...The center of the first storm passed about 5 miles east of us around 2:15...

The wind was blowing HARD and raining...then it got very still and a bit dark...neighbors and family got into the storm cellar...(except for Barb and David...she went to a friends' who lives behind her shop and David was out of town)

 safety

we can all go home now...

 no damage...just some tree limbs down and lots of water...



Letter # 42

February 5, 1952

"Hello Darling,

   Still love me? Sure hope you do.  I'd almost forgotten how lovely you are until I received your photo in the mail today.  Charlene, never let anyone deceive you into believing you aren't beautiful.  I'm convinced, and personally, though I'm slightly biased in my opinion of you, I think I have quite a critical eye when comparing and passing judgement on the lovelier sex....look who's talking! As though I could pass judgement on anyone!

   I'm pulling duty as "charge of quarters" tonight.  Up to now the tour has been somewhat uneventful but business will pick up later. 

   By the way, the snapshot was taken in front of your home wasn't it?

   I'll probably fall asleep before morning. It's now one o'clock.  Speaking of sleep, I notice there are slight, dark rings under your eyes.  Studying too hard? No joking, your eyes do look a little dark.  Take care of yourself,  Kitten, for me.  Remember, there have been and there may  be quite a few other men in your life, but none of them, no not one, will ever love you as I do.  I'll prove it too if I should ever get the chance.

   I often wonder if I'll ever be content to live in one place the rest of my life. Along this same line is another question...could I expect a wife to follow me from pillar to post?  Then I ask myself the sixty four dollar question.Which do you prefer? a wife, or the life of a perpetual globe trotter?  The answer is so easy.  A wife, family, home and the comforts of marital life.  Now you know.  I'm a home lover.

 Disillusioned?

   I'm trying to stay awake and it's a lost cause I'm afraid. There is some guy behind me mumbling something about a jeep and at present it's making no impression on me at all.  Speaking of minds, brains and intellect,  we'll have to try mental telepathy some time.  If you should wake up suddenly some night it could be my fault. It'll be because I'm thinking, or better still, concentrating on you.

   I've invested in a new radio since I last wrote you.  It's a Zenith, Trans Oceanic.  You've seen them I'm sure. I wouldn't take a pretty for mine.  I pick up both local and shortwave stations.  We picked up Grand Rapids Mi. the other night, It's tuned to some German station right now.  The music is sweet and low.  It's the slow, dreamy type music you enjoy dancing to when you're with your sweetheart.  Would you dance just one dance with me?  huh? Please, kitten.

   Well kitten, unless I wake up a little I'll never be able to finish this letter.  I have your photo propped against an ink bottle and it seems as though you're trying to say something.  So far you haven't had a chance to get a word in edgewise.  Nevertheless I've enjoyed the conversation.  Come again when you have longer to stay -- Whoa Peete! I strayed off on a tangent for a moment, didn't I.  As you can see I'm real sleepy so I'll have to say goodnight.  Remember my darling - Ich liebe dich.  In English it simply means "darling, I love you." always will. 

Be sweet libeling,
All my love,
Bob

P.S.  If parts in this letter don't make sense, ignore them.  All I wanted to say anyway is - I miss you, kitten.
Love forever
Bob"

As things turned out, he loved being home but he also loved to travel and his job allowed him to do that....and I followed him...from Tennessee to Arkansas to Texas to California to Chicago, back to Texas, back to Chicago and then finally, back to Texas.....over 57 years time...I want to say "and I loved every minute of it" but as it is in all of life, there were some times that weren't as wonderful as others...just normal stressful times ...mostly financial...Our marriage, our life together, our children our home,  our welfare.. were ALWAYS his number one priority...and he made sure that I knew that...always willing to express  his feelings ,,,WHAT A MAN !!!!  It's not just because he's gone that I feel this way..I've always felt this way about him...he was, and is, so easy to love.... thank you, my darling..how I wish that I could be sitting beside you,  touch your face, hold your hand, hear your voice ..

2007