Death can...Death Cannot

Death can seperate our bodies...but it can not seperate our spirits......WE WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN...it may be in spirit only.....     but I'll settle for that.

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. 2(And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) 3And all went to be taxed,

Bob

Watch this video again with this in mind, In almost every picture where he is with someone else, he is touching, arms around, holding hands, etc...he gave so much of himself.....he loved us all. Look into his eyes... his goodness and honesty shown through... soooo honest, almost to a fault...he did not hold back...LORD, HOW I MISS HIM..

Today I can watch this and smile..last night I could only weep...my moods are as a seewaw...up and down, back and forth..

Forever In Our Hearts

A million times we needed you, a million times we cried,
If love alone could save you, you never  would have died.

In life we loved you dearly, in death we love you still,

In our hearts you hold a place that no one can ever fill.

A light from our household is gone, a voice from our life is stilled,
A place in our  home is vacant, which never can be filled.
Some may think you are forgotten, though on earth you are no more,
But in our memory you are with us, as you always were before.

It broke our hearts to lose you, but you did not go alone,

A part of us went with you, the day God called you home.

Your precious memories are for keepsakes, with which we'll never part,
God has you safely in his keeping,
... we have you forever in our hearts

you and me, babe.... I'll never let you go.........

Herk

Laura

Eddie

Barbara

Nicki

Brian

Bobby  playing the thumping game

da boys

this time last year

May 10, 2009...my sweet husband

four  months later...Sept. 2009

After suffering respiratory failure due to 35 radiation treatments on his throat Bob was "off and on" a ventalator in ICU at Baylor Hospital , Plano... from Aug 20th until Sept. 5,   (16 days) ...He  was then transferred to Kindred Rehab Hospital, Dallas...We were at Kindred from Sept. 5 until Oct. 2nd...He remained in ICU   for the first week there...while in ICU  I was allowed to use a room on the second floor, when he was able to leave ICU we were given a double room and I was allowed to stay with him day and night..

By the middle of the month he was strong enough to be out of bed for a while....his physical therapist ..she called herself "Sarge"..... worked him hard..

Brian was his radiologist

Barb, David and the little boys came for a visit

we were counting off the days...wanted to be home by his birthday Oct. 5

 Sept. 25.. after seven weeks in the two hospitals he was able to go outside for the 1st time

his trech was removed on Sept. 30th.

Oct. 2nd...going home...going home...going...he smiles :)



OCTOBER THRU APRIL 13  TH.

He worked very hard for the next six months trying to recover...



The  following is a post from Oct. 24

after having had another scan...

He had just stepped out of the shower... sitting on his bathroom chair ...I was drying him off....he was cold...the phone rang...I threw a towel around his shoulders ...running from the room I said "it may be the doctor"...it was.

"good news...looks like we got it all...he's cancer free"

 it looks like?

"The original site is clean"..

he continued.."there's one lymph node in the neck we want to check further...probably just scar tissue...we'll do a CT Scan next week and if it lights up we'll just remove it." ....(if it lights up?)

Now this part is even more strange...I returned to the bathroom and relayed the message to Bobby...all he did was put his arms around me to comfort me as I shed tears (of course) into his neck.

He said nothing.

"Aren't you relieved?"...

a mild "I guess so."...

"you guess so?"

"hadn't you considered the possibility of the treatment not being successful?"

"not really...it's hard for me to get excited about anything .. there's so much wrong with me."

and he was right...there was much wrong..he was too weak, too sick to survive the illnesses that ensued the following five months...pneumonia (twice), sinus infections, edema (fluid accumulation in his throat and arms because of damage to lymph nodes, skin tears that wouldn't heal, arrhythmia, blood clots, continued weight loss, the onset of diabetes and high blood pressure, low oxygen levels, co2retention, seizures,  many, many drugs, headaches and eventually a fall that caused brain injury...too much, too much..first he could not walk or stand, then he could not sit  could not hear, could not speak, could move only his arms, rarely opened his eyes...could not breathe.

..........   this time last year.........

Birthdays Past

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my best friend

"Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:

The tendency to desire what is best for the other
Sympathy and empathy
Honesty
Mutual understanding and compassion
Trust in one another
Positive reciprocity - a relationship is based on equal give and take between the two parties "
 

my best friend

Regardless of how much you love one another, regardless of what a "good" person your friend is, in spite of the fact that he fulfilled all of the qualities of a true friend as  mentioned above...there are things... little things that sometimes become so repetitive.... so routine....so "expected"...that they can create  a little bit of annoyance. I know Bob exhibited some of these but for the life of me I'm able to recall only one...his obsession over politics and his habit of adamantly expressing his view of same...

Now, that's a small thing in the grand scheme of life...this is not what I remember,,,,think about daily...moment by moment.  What occupies my mind and fills my heart with gratitude are not only the "big" things but the many "small" acts of kindness and demonstrations of love that he showered on me...and our children...those are the things that stay in the forefront of my mind...that come and go throughout the day...every day...

If you lose a best friend, the good things are what you will remember...so when you become annoyed over small things....think of what makes them your best friend...treasure all that you share together and be grateful. 

I love you, my darling, and miss you so very much.

Letter # 33

Nurnberg, Germany
10 October 1951

"Darling,
   I am honestly ashamed of myself.  I've just finished reading your most recent letter and please believe me, I did not realize that I had been neglecting you so.  I've realized for quite some time that I haven't been writing as often as I should, not only to you, but everyone.  You're the last person in the world that I would hurt, intentionally or otherwise.  Please believe me when I say that I'm sorry.  Your love is all that matters to me in this thing we call life.  Without you there's nothing for me As you stated in your letter, it takes something like this to make a person  realize how much they love someone. The only thing that has kept me from writing is that we were working so late for a while. The pressure has let up some this last week and while we're enjoying the respite I intend to catch up on back correspondence.
  Hump is back here at the stockade now as a disciplinary guard.  He's really anxious to get back home too.  It seems as though he doesn't care for this army life any more than I do.
   You were discussing the night we went to Riverside Park and the Belmont.  You asked if I remembered.  Every day, every night, every hour that we were together are embedded in my mind.  One doesn't forget the happiest moments of their life. I can't remember the exact moment I realized that you were the love of my life. I suppose it dawned on me the night we were sitting in front of your house and you said that you loved me. I wanted to tell you how I felt but couldn't because of the past.  Now I know there was never a past.  My life began when I met you
   Kitten, I'll close for tonight and if this letter does nothing but prove that I love you I'll consider it a success.

Sweet dreams darling,
I love you.
Bob

P.S.  Are you still angry? Don't be please.
PPS. Tell Molly thanks for offering the reassurance.
PPPS. My what naughty language you use!

52 DEGREES THIS AM :)

Early this am two red fox playing in the back yard...
made coffee...fed fish...fed birds
now what?


If he were here with me he'd be watching football news ..or  Fox News

then maybe we'd go out for a late breakfast to IHOP,

 where we would share a Country Omlet

 and blintzes with apples

then he would read

then he would watch football with his boys

 I'm gonna miss football season in Texas

The Dance

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I'm everything I am because you loved me......

For all those times you stood by me

For all the truth that you made me see

For all the joy you brought to my life

For all the wrong that you made right

For every dream you made come true

For all the love I found in you

I'll be forever thankful baby

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn't speak

You were my eyes when I couldn't see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach

You gave me faith 'coz you believed

I'm everything I am Because you loved me

 

You stood by me and I stood tall

I had your love I had it all

I'm grateful for each day you gave me

Maybe I don't know that much

But I know this much is true

I was blessed because I was loved by you

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right For every dream you made come true For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby

things to do at 3 am

I watch the videos that I have made of him..."Sweet Memories"..."the first time ever I saw your face"...and remember...

how "smitten" I was the first time ever I saw his face...

the love he had for his family and how proud he was of his children...

how much time he spent with them...playing, instructing, emphasing how important it is to be honest..to treat others fairly, to give of yourself, to be a "good sport", to respect your elders, to say "ma"am and sir", that it was okay for boys to cry,  to never forget your mothers birthday,

I remember how, in  the early years  of our marriage,  he persevered at a job that he did not like...that kept him away from home, that paid very little..he stayed year after year for seven years, because he was responsible and would not take chances with the well fare of his family....but years later he would talk about that period in our life and how much he learned from it...

his love for this country...how much he enjoyed the opportunity he had to travel and see it...

his love for dogs, the University of Texas, camping with his boys, the pride he had in his home, the way he would wear the same 'ol sweatshirts for years, his respect for George Bush (both of them)...

how much respect and support he gave me...

I remember his tenderness and his toughness...

   and I cry...

It recently occured to me that not only did I lose my husband, my children lost their father...a father they all adored. I've been so absorbed in my own grief  that I've not considered theirs...
I must remember that.
....this sad, little face lost his PaPa Peete

                

These sweet pictures make me smile...and cry at the same time...

Rest In Peace, My Beloved

Robert W. Peete

Oct. 5, 1929 - April 13, 2010

Watching and Waiting

This is where Bob spends most of his day...watching the cabin being built..

no workers today...much snow, some sleet and very cold.

His physical therapist managed to get here before everything started shuting down...

My Man

Oh, my man, I love him so
He'll never know

All my life is just despair
But I don't care

when he takes me in his arms
The world is bright all right.

What's the difference if I say
I'll go away
When I know I'll come back on my knees someday



For whatever my man is
I am his
forever more