Bob and me plus twentyfive

The End of A Year Without Him...the end of a blog

2011-04-20T06:46:00.010-05:00

I've decided to discontinue this blog and do all future posting here .....http://peeteslanding.blogspot.com/ My memories will never be gone and I will continue to write about Bob and our life together..I just feel it is unnecessary to try and maintain two blogs.
My thanks to all who have shared this journey with me...for your comments of encouragements and sympathy...they all meant the world to me.
Blessings,
Charlene

Because You Loved Us

Whose Troubled Heart is This?

2011-04-15T08:56:00.001-05:00

Good advice that I recieved while with my "Grief Share" group last night.

"Whose Troubled Heart Is This?"
copyright @2005 Barbara Crafton

"......You had not realized how much of your faith was tied up in the life of one person. You believe in God, Jesus says, believe also in me. Ah, you think, I believed in a human being, put all my trust in someone no more permanent than I am. No wonder I am so shaken. Human beings can't be each others' gods. Only God is God.

We can't help doing it, of course. It's just the way we are. Our hearts are so full, and give themselves so completely to what they love ...eventually what we love goes away and we get clobbered.

Try to remember that your beloved is not God. He will die (mine did)..or you will - one of you will be left alone. The silence on the other end of the relationship makes you wonder if there's anybody there. The banality of your ongoing unpartnered life can make you feel angry and bitter..(I have not been angry or bitter...disappointed, yes.)

Love each other well, even if it must be foolishly, as it always must be - you will be sorry at the end of your life if your fear of losing love keeps you from ever knowing it, and you will know firsthand that it really is better to haved loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Accept the kindness of those who see your sorrow, and forgive the blindness of those who cannot allow themselves to see it.

And then abide with God, after you have lost everything else. So different from the unseen good fairy you may once have thought he was, before your life taught you anything different. So eternally present, so unafraid of your wildest grief or most violent rage....Because your spiritual sense have been changed by your trauma, you now sense things differently. Be patient with yourself as you learn what that way is. And then drink deeply and often at the well."

Is that a faint shaft of light breaking through a crack in my psyche..?.
It's been a long, hard year.

Lincoln County, Tn.

2011-04-14T04:15:00.001-05:00

It was a beautiful day yesterday for our short drive up to the cemetery..the boys helped remove the faded flowers to be replaced with new ones...dogwood stems, purple sweet pea, ferns and Ivy...when finished we drove on into Fayetteville, Tn....picked up some bar-b-que sandwiches and drinks...stopped at a park to eat...then went by WalMart before returning the 15 miles back home.

To Where You Are

2011-04-04T05:25:00.001-05:00

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream?
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen?

As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me
Everyday

To Where You Are

2011-04-02T05:54:00.005-05:00

Feeling The Loss Of Him

2011-03-30T09:03:00.000-05:00

Standing, walking, coming through the line
greeting you, for a moment, sharing
but a snapshot, a burst, of what I was feeling,
so small compared to the enormity
the reality of your loss.

Feeling so small, standing in the line,
before I approached you.
Thinking of what his loss
means to me, to so many,
as written in the paper
Murmured in the court, on the phone
with out practitioners.

Reading so many stories,
so many telling words,
the lives he touched, changed
for the better, truly.
Of his help to me,
guidance and rebuttal,
chastised and cajoled

Feeling the loss of him
so acutely, still.

September 19, 2007 13:13
Raymond A. Foss

The Prayer

2011-02-24T13:00:00.004-06:00

Still

2011-02-12T09:10:00.018-06:00

The sun is not shining

the flowers are not blooming

the weather is not cooperating

Ten months and I still think of nothing else

yet, here I am...

in all honesty I'm here often...just reluctant to write...

.... what I want to write is not good..is not good for my children to hear....many nights what I want to say is "Oh how I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up".

Barbara tries so hard ..gives so much of herself to help me through this...while dealing with her own grief. What would I ever do without her..she works four, twelve-hour days...at least..plus another half day every-other Saturday...and yet in the midst of running her own business she deals with many "life issues" with her friends and employees...because her employees are her friends ....she loves those six girls..Christina, Tanya, Judy, Emily, Maggie and, of course, her own Laura Leigh

In addition to puting up with me, involving herself so much with her friends, she also has her own two children and four grandchilden to whom she gives much of herself. She has such a BIG, open, wise and giving heart and spirit. She sees to it that I eat, she spends some amount of time with me every day.., no matter how small..she will sit and knit while watching movies with me at night..because I watch many movies.. she prefers comedy,love stories, primarily "feel good" movies, while I, on the other hand prefer drama, action, and love stories....she will watch whatever I want...

I'm aware of how blessed I am with her, and others,...her friends have become my friends...yet still all I can think about and would want to write about is my loss, my loneliness, my grief. There are hours in most days when I'm busy and preocupied with other things...but also hours in every day and night when I'm just deeply involved with him...and the strangest thing! It has occured a few times that when I'm absorbed on the computer or in watching a movie..and I get up to go to bed or to the living room or to the kitchen to do something else, for a few seconds I think to myself.."I've got to be quiet so as to not wake him."..my memory has clouded for just a brief few seconds and I forget that he's not here....when that moment passes and my mind returns to the present it's like a knife in my heart .

Hence, if I were to return to posting on this blog here is what I'd say:

I was just happily breezing along .. a past that was blessed, a present that was content and thankful and looking foward to a few more good years together...then in 10 months time (June 4, 09 - April '10) my dear husband went

from this

to this...

April 10, 2010

after recieving radiation treatments daily, for 7 weeks, followed by respirator failure, twice, he spent two weeks in ICU at Baylor...then we were here at Kindred Hospital, Dallas the entire month of September 2009 for trach weening and rehab.

After going home he tried so hard to regain some strength...

he seemed to be doing better and tests showed no cancer . I was thrilled, he was skeptical...because he was so sick and weak...radiation had done much damage..no salavia glands, unable to swallow since the second week of radiation...so feeding tube (turned out to be for the rest of his life),,lost 30 lbs.

Nov. 14, 2009 look at that sweet smile...after all he had endured...

he tried to walk some every day....I followed him with his wheel chair...just in case...

so we followed through with our plans to move to Alabama, where our cabin was being build..we left Dallas on Dec. 20th...Barbara, and the boys greet us at the Huntsville airport..

Dec. 31st... Eddie, Herk, Laura and some of the grandkids drove from Dallas,bringing our furniture, etc.,

He would spent most of the day in Barbs kitchen watching our cabin being built..... Until he could no longer sit up .Dec 22, 2009

Jan. 19, 2010..on her backporch

His condition worsened...he began having seizure-like episodes ... he had four doctors...Oncologist, Neurologist, ENT (Otolaryngologis), and a geriatric GP...we ran him around from place to place in an attempt to make sure we covered all the bases...do everything possible to help him...we were so afraid that we would miss something. He suffered bruising to his brain after a fall. In addition we had Home Health visits 2 - 3 times a week...and then later, Hospice. .

He was hospitalized 3 times in Feb. and March...pneumonia.....and then for nearly 3 weeks, he lay unable to hear, unable to speak, ...the radiation continued to do it's damage... his last three weeks of life ...until April 13th.... he was mostly unable to move (his arm would raise and jerk involuntarily)...his eyes were rarely open.. For the most part, he was off into another place...preparing for death.

I'm so thankful for Hospice and that we had him at home...that I was able to care for him..that my girls were here to help me, .that I was able to be beside him, holding him , telling him that I loved him... as he left this world....my heart yearns for the day we are together again

March 21 ....Laura and Laura Leigh

March 28 Barbara

April 10 Nicki

Dear God

2011-01-15T10:14:00.007-06:00

Can you speak a little louder? Won't you please rescue me from those identity thieves... the seductive voices that whisper I no longer exist?...those insistent voices that shout I no longer want an identity beyond what I had with him.

"When you lose the path that lights your way, you feel that you have died."

I HAVE DIED.. joy, contentment, pleasure, giving and receiving love, the warmth of companionship, relationship that grew from teenage adoration into mature bonding of body, heart and soul. ...has died...only the memories remain.. "memories are a way of holding on to the things you don't want to lose or forget"... they are also who you are....or, in my case, who I was...I no longer exist.

Well meaning friends and professional counselors alike advise: "allow yourself to feel your pain and cry out your loss and anguish...and as you let it go, you will find the strength and courage to put your life in perspective and move on." In my case, move on to what? I'm 76 years old...I've had it all...God has blessed us beyond measure..a large and devoted family, enough security to enjoy the necessities of life and then some, friends who last a lifetime and truly care, and above all, each other. All I want is to find a way to survive this anguish ... to make it through whatever time is left without being an emotional burden to those who love me, to be useful instead of so needy.

And in reality ..how can you be expected to let go of your entire life, or let go of the one who shared each day of it.....how can you let it go? He existed... He was...He is...He's just not with me..and though it pains me beyound measure, I will not let him go.... He is mine and I am his...always and forever...in this life and the next.

"You slowly took your final breath, t'was me, my dear, who died a death."

Psalm 28:1-2
"To you, O Lord, I call; my rock, be not deaf to me, lest, if you be silent to me,I become like those who go down to the pit. Hear the voice of my pleas for mercy, when I cry to you for help,when I lift up my hands toward your most holy sanctuary."

The Dying Christian To His Soul

2011-01-14T20:11:00.002-06:00

Vital spark of heav'nly flame,

Quit, oh, quit, this mortal frame!

Trembling, hoping, ling'ring, flying,

Oh, the pain, the bliss of dying!

Cease, fond Nature, cease thy strife,

And let me languish into life!

Hark! they whisper; Angels say,

Sister Spirit, come away.

What is this absorbs me quite,

Steals my senses, shuts my sight,

Drowns my spirits, draws my breath?

Tell me, my Soul! can this be Death?

The world recedes; it disappears;

Heav'n opens on my eyes; my ears

With sounds seraphic ring:

Lend, lend your wings! I mount! I fly!

O Grave! where is thy Victory?

O Death! where is thy Sting?

Alexander Pope

Sno Art

2011-01-11T06:53:00.004-06:00

....Enjoy our beautiful snow...

2011-01-10T22:27:00.004-06:00

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Snow

2011-01-10T04:34:00.000-06:00

been snowing here for the last 7 - 8 hrs....tapering off but forecast is for snow continuing through tomorrow...appx. 12 " total...and freezing weather most of the week...so it'll be around for a while.

pictures tomorrow...if I can make it over to Barb's house..my car is pretty much covered and snow banks on the side....not keen on climbing up her back stairs...(my dang computer no longer recognizes my camera settings, installation disc got smashed so until I work all that out I have to download on her puter...ugh)

It's 4:30 am...'been up all night...

Wallowing

2011-01-09T09:48:00.009-06:00

God gives us so many promises in the Bible..really neat promises...

"Come unto me, all [ye] that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble." Psalm 46:1

" Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4: 6 & 7

"Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. "Matthew 5:4

" (For the LORD thy God is a merciful God;) he will not forsake thee, neither destroy thee, nor forget the covenant of thy fathers which he swore unto them." Deuteronomy 4:31

I have discovered much about myself since Bob died....

quote from another blog: "I need a faith booster shot!"
My faith has been tested like never before...I'm pretty sure I failed the test because for most of the past eight months I have not felt peace, comfort, help, rest...
My mind tells me that we cannot accept parts of the Bible as truth but doubt other parts...I trust in His words that tell us:

"Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. 2In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. 3And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also." John 14:1-3

“And many of those who sleep in the dust of the earth will awake, some to everlasting life and some to shame and everlasting contempt. And they that be wise shall shine as the brightness of the firmament, and they that turn many to righteousness as the stars for ever and ever.” Daniel 12.2-3.

"For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord" (1 Thessalonians 4:13-17).

How can this trust and acceptance of life after death be a sound belief while doubt of His other promises of peace, comfort, rest, etc...remain in the heart?

I'm sure I'm missing something here...but I'm also sure that God knows my heart and loves me anyway...

quote from another blog:
"Grieving is okay but you shouldn't wallow in it."
I've been wallowing for eight months...This grieving is no joke but I can't turn it off. How long will this be going on?

Prepare to be blessed..

2011-01-04T17:02:00.005-06:00

Into The Arms of God

2011-01-02T20:27:00.012-06:00

A friend sent me this reading by Max Lucado... Thank you Beverly.
It is very comforting as it helps reinforce teaching from the Bible that I've embraced most of my life. I believe that no one can TRULY say, without a shred of doubt, "this is how it will be"...how can we possibly know without a doubt? My former pastor would often say to us "God is God and we are not!". There is no way that any mortal can know the mind of God...no way.

"God’s thoughts and ways are as far above our human abilities as the heavens are above the earth (Isa. 55:8–9)."

But the Holy Bible, Gods Word is here for us, it has survived for generations for a reason...for a purpose. Some believe that Christians accept it only because it offers comfort in the belief that there is more for us beyond this life...that it provides the means to bear the sorrow and grief that comes to us when we lose our loved ones. I've heard even many Christians say things like "how lost and bereaved the unbelievers are without hope". I can tell you one thing for certain; having this faith, this belief, this acceptance does not spare the believer the sorrow and grief that can consume and smother you at those times. ...the words shared below by Max Lucado give comfort, strengthens faith, and reinforces hope. God bless.

INTO THE WARM ARMS OF GOD

"What about my loved ones who have died? Where are they now? In the time between our death and Christ’s return, what happens?

Scripture is surprisingly quiet about this phase of our lives. When speaking about the period between the death of the body and the resurrection of the body, the Bible doesn’t shout; it just whispers. But at the confluence of these whispers, a firm voice is heard. This authoritative voice assures us that, at death, the Christian immediately enters into the presence of God and enjoys conscious fellowship with the Father and with those who have gone before.
Isn’t this the promise that Jesus gave the thief on the cross? Earlier the thief had rebuked Jesus. Now he repents and asks for mercy. “Remember me when you come into your kingdom” (Luke 23:42). Likely, the thief is praying that he be remembered in some distant time in the future when the kingdom comes. He didn’t expect an immediate answer. But he received one: “I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise” (v. 43). The primary message of this passage is God’s unlimited and surprising grace. But a secondary message is the immediate translation of the saved into the presence of God. The soul of the believer journeys home, while the body of the believer awaits the resurrection.

Some don’t agree with this thought. They propose an intermediate period of purgation, a “holding tank” in which we are punished for our sins.This “purgatory” is the place where, for an undetermined length of time, we receive what our sins deserve so that we can rightly receive what God has prepared.

But two things trouble me about this teaching. For one, none of us can endure what our sins deserve. For another, Jesus already has. The Bible teaches that the wages of sin is death, not purgatory (see Rom. 6:23). The Bible also teaches that Jesus became our purgatory and took our punishment: “When he had brought about the purgation of sins, he took his seat at the right hand of Majesty on high” (Heb. 1:3 neb). There is no purgatory because purgatory occurred at Calvary.

Others feel that while the body is buried, the soul is asleep. They come by their conviction honestly enough. Seven different times in two different epistles, Paul uses the term sleep to refer to death (see 1 Cor. 11:30; 15:6, 18, 20; 1 Thess. 4:13–15). One could certainly deduce that the time spent between death and the return of Christ is spent sleeping. (And, if such is the case, who would complain? We could certainly use the rest!)

But there is one problem. The Bible refers to some who have already died, and they are anything but asleep. Their bodies are sleeping, but their souls are wide awake. Revelation 6:9–11 refers to the souls of martyrs who cry out for justice on the earth. Matthew 17:3 speaks of Moses and Elijah, who appeared on the Mount of Transfiguration with Jesus. Even Samuel, who came back from the grave, was described wearing a robe and having the appearance of a god (1 Sam. 28:13–14). And what about the cloud of witnesses who surround us (Heb. 12:1)? Couldn’t these be the heroes of our faith and the loved ones of our lives who have gone before?

I think so. When it is cold on earth, we can take comfort in knowing that our loved ones are in the warm arms of God. We don’t like to say good-bye to those whom we love. It is right for us to weep, but there is no need for us to despair. They had pain here. They have no pain there. They struggled here. They have no struggles there. You and I might wonder why God took them home. But they don’t. They understand. They are, at this very moment, at peace in the presence of God."

by Max Lucado

April 10, 1952

2011-01-01T09:36:00.006-06:00

Following is the last letter I received from Bob while he was in Korea in 1951-52. It is # 45..the first one was dated June 5, 1951...'don't know if there were more and I lost them or if we just stopped writing. He came home 7 months after this ...in early January, 1953....we were married 3 months later.

"Hi Hillbilly,
   Have you thrown your shoes away for the summer yet? I put mine in storage the last of May but had to unpack them the first day of April because it snowed.
   What do you know...I finagled a three day pass two weeks ago and did I have a great time."

(It always bugged me when he would talk about having a good time! How could he possibly have a good time without me?)

   "Sgt. Rivera and I traveled to Bremerhaven in his auto, a distance of approximately 700 miles. We passed through a number of large cities; Frankfort, Kassel, Hanover, Bremen, Bremerhaven, Wurzburg..not to mention the small ones. We ran out of gas in the British zone and pulled a midnight requisition on an English Petroleum Detachment. This was done with the aid of a Canadian officer. In writing, it doesn't sound humorous, but you should have been there. I've never felt so devilish in all my life. We drove down and rode the train back. We must have slept in every railroad station in the American and British Zone of Germany.
   So you like the '52 Ford Victoria?

Have you seen the new Buick Special? I haven't but rumors have it that they are beautiful.

To be truthful all the new model autos are out of this world. I'll probably have to compromise and get a fast horse and buggy. I'd be perfectly content with walking if you'd walk with me. How does that old song go? "My old jalopy's a Cadillac when you go riding with me." Considering all the angles though, I'd better buy an auto, just think of the shoe leather I'd wear out, walking from home to 520 W. Liberty and back."

(this is the first auto we purchased after we were married: a 1951 Dodge:)

This is the first NEW auto we purchased..I think that it was a Ford Fairlane...a classy car driven by a very classy guy..

back to his letter:

"I think I'd better alter this letter a bit and get to the point. Know something, Kitten, I'm in a predicament. I'm not sure I know exactly how to tell you, or even how to begin. The whole affair started last year in the month of May. I fell madly, no that isn't the word..., I glided into love with the sweetest personality I've ever known. Since then my existence has been rather bare as I only had the pleasure of being with her for eleven days. I say "glided into love" because that's exactly how it was. So smooth, nice and comfortable. I get bored with myself because I can't tell you exactly how I feel toward you. The English language doesn't include a word, or words, to express my emotions. I could say, I love you, you're wonderful, you're beautiful, etc...and then what have I accomplished? Nothing. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. The very words I've tried to use effectively only blight the sincerity of my affections. Why? Because they're only transcripts of someone else. I hope you are following me as I'm getting ahead of myself trying to explain. To make a long story short, when I say "I love you", you can be sure that it goes much deeper than that.
   And by the way, no one has written me about you going out every night and that's not the reason that prevented me from writing. I'm neither so egotistical or conceited as to think you aren't dating other fellows. I want you to enjoy yourself. And another thing, I don't have people to spy on my girlfriend. I wouldn't love you if I didn't trust and respect you."
     Goodnight Kitten,
     I love you, deeply, passionately, and forever
     Bob

this excerpt from his previous letter dated March 5th...
"Kitten, take some good advice. Have as much fun as possible while you're in high school. Date every available, decent male that you can because you'll miss those good times after you're out of school. Believe it or not, I didn't date anyone while I was in high school. During the last 4 years I've tried to make up for all the time I lost though,. I want you to be sure in your own mind that you're ready to settle down before I get back. I hope that I'm not taking too much for granted in talking to you this way."

Barbara got a Wii for Christmas

2010-12-31T04:32:00.002-06:00

a few of my favorite things

2010-12-29T08:32:00.004-06:00

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God's Christmas Present to us today

2010-12-25T22:12:00.004-06:00

the reason for the season

2010-12-24T08:17:00.004-06:00

Death can...Death Cannot

2010-12-23T09:59:00.004-06:00

Death can seperate our bodies...but it can not seperate our spirits......WE WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN...it may be in spirit only..... but I'll settle for that.

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. 2(And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) 3And all went to be taxed,

2010-12-20T09:45:00.007-06:00

We have plans

2010-12-18T11:14:00.004-06:00

I'm feeling refreshed after a good nights sleep..hope it will hold out over the weekend.

    Tonight: a painting class with Barb and LL http://myspiritedart.com/
         Tomorrow: church, http://www.jwbc.org/
            followed by  lunch at the Red Lobster with Barb, Peggy and Beth http://www.redlobster.com/
           followed by   a Christmas play at the  Burritt  Museum
                   http://www.burrittonthemountain.com/
           followed by our sunday school class Christmas dinner party


    Monday:

Caramia's first Christmas

2010-12-17T03:51:00.002-06:00

As she is only eleven months old and hasn't a clue about what will be happening all around the world on the morning of Dec. 25. she received my gift to her early...her first baby doll and stroller..

Praising God in the Valley

2010-12-16T09:28:00.002-06:00

I have not been praising God through this valley I've been traveling through...my sorrow and grief has trapped me.....it has blinded me for a while..I am now able to cry out to God...and he hears me...God sends His love... even when His children are not faithful....HE is faithful. It may be that I will remain in this valley until I am reunited with my beloved, but He sustains me......and I anxiously await that day.
.
Jesus, Lover of my soul
Let me to Thy bosom fly
While the nearer waters roll,
While the tempest still is high
Hide me, O my Saviour, hide
Till the storm of life is past.

John Wesley

2010-12-15T04:36:00.002-06:00

I'll have a blue Christmas without you,
I'll be so blue thinking about you,
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree
won't mean a thing dear if you're not here with me.

I'll have a blue Christmas that's certain,
And when those blue heartaches start hurtin
You'll be doin' alright with your Christmas of white
But I'll have a blue, blue Christmas

Chattanooga weekend

2010-12-13T21:51:00.003-06:00

Barbara's Christmas trip for her family this year was to Chattanooga where we stayed at the Chattanooga Choo Choo Hotel ...it included a ride to the North Pole on the Polor Express train, a visit on the train from Santa himself, his helpers who served us gingerbread cookies, chocolate milk and music!!! After the ride we enjoyed great pizza at Lupi's on Market St. downtown Chattanooga...I highly recommend it. .At 10 pm Santa's Elves visited the childrens rooms where they told them a story, gave them a gift and tucked them into bed. We had breakfast Sunday morning at the hotel ...a delicious buffet. Then, as the weather was worsening...very cold, freezing snow flurrys, etc. we headed for home ....a two hour drive from Huntsville. Thank you, Barbara.

http://www.choochoo.com/

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Callaway Gardens, Cecil B. Day Butterfly Garden, Sibley Horticulture Ctr, and FDR's Little White House

2010-12-09T11:04:00.005-06:00

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The Christmas Letter

2010-12-06T09:21:00.003-06:00

This is the time of year when we like to share with friends who, perhaps, live far away or, at least, not close enough to have shared the years events as they occurred. I always enjoy receiving "Christmas Letters"...noticing what kind of paper is used, how each one is laid out, the attitudes expressed by the writer, etc....not to mention hearing what has occurred in the life of each friend. As a rule the information is shared in the order of occurrence...i.e. Jan. thru Dec...

I don't think I've ever written one..and this year will be no exception..
   primarily because the events in my life were of such magnitude that anyone who knows me has already been informed

Besides; who wants to hear that in January and February, Bob, who had already suffered much in 2009, began to slip away from us?.

Who wants to hear that in Jan. and Feb. his weakened, 80 year old body had pneumonia twice and was in the hospital at lease three times..

Who wants to hear of our anxiety over getting him home ...our emphasis had switched from doing everything in our power to keep him alive to just getting him home and keeping him as comfortable as possible .....we did not want him to die in a hospital .The previous 10 months he had spent so much time in one that he came to really resent being there..we wanted him home! God granted us that.

Who wants to hear that the first two weeks in March he lay unable to hear, speak, move...

Who wants to hear that a week before he died his condition had became so critical that Hospice told us to stop feeding him because his normal body functions were shutting down and it could possibly cause him to vomit and choke to death and it would also only prolong his suffering? Who, in their right mind, wants to hear that!

And what about my "attitude"?

This is where I should talk about how good our  God is...how His love is enough to fill the void in my life...to sustain me through my grief...to give me peace..... I never expected us to escape death...of course it is inevitable...and as His word tells us "time and chance happens to us all."..so there was no great surprise experienced when he was diagnosed with cancer...well, I guess there was some...He had been so diligent with taking care of himself...exercising, eating right, had never been sick except for an occasional cold, while I, on the other hand was not nearly as self-disciplined and my body is paying the price...I expected that I would be the first to go.
This is where I should exhibit a good example of what being a Christian means...I know in my heart that He is there for me...but my every thought is of my loss..my every  moment alone is with Bob..I don't want to "get on with life" if it means leaving him behind..he's been with me always.
I do have much to be grateful for and I'm thankful for that...
..... perhaps peace will come at a later date...I'm not there yet..

2010-12-06T04:20:00.004-06:00

Thanksgiving with my "Texas family"

2010-12-04T22:06:00.005-06:00

Brian, Joey, Bobby, Jacob, Eddie and Jack

Laura Beth and Jack

Eddie

Happy 16th. Brian

Laura and I

SaRita and David

Bob

2010-12-01T09:09:00.004-06:00

Watch this video again with this in mind, In almost every picture where he is with someone else, he is touching, arms around, holding hands, etc...he gave so much of himself.....he loved us all. Look into his eyes... his goodness and honesty shown through... soooo honest, almost to a fault...he did not hold back...LORD, HOW I MISS HIM..

Today I can watch this and smile..last night I could only weep...my moods are as a seewaw...up and down, back and forth..

Me

2010-12-01T02:57:00.006-06:00

Bewildered, dumbfounded, puzzled, discontented.....weary ....that is me.

It's 3 am...is this the reason for the mess that I'm in.? insomnia certainly contributes to it.....I do feel almost human at times... when rested...but those times are too infrequent for my liking.
And what about Thanksgiving...giving thanks! Why is it so hard to do when I have much to be thankful for? I was blessed to be able to spend time with my children in Texas... that I've not seen since June...and our life-long friends there. And my family here...supportive and loving.... why is that not enough to overcome the emptiness I feel in my heart...in my life? I know "things could be worse" and I truly want to stop feeling so sorry for myself...being such a drag ...but I can't keep him out...and I don't want to keep him out. I need him...Okay, I'm just gonna lay it all out ... this sorrow is over whelming at times...and this is one of those times.

''To aII the ships at sea and aII the ports of caII.To my famiIy and to aII friends and strangers. ''

2010-11-29T10:08:00.007-06:00

my message for him...

this is not goodby...l will never say goodby ...

"Thanks for the times that you've given me

   the memories are all in my mind.
And now that we've come to the end of our rainbow
there's something that I must say,

You shared my dreams, my joys, my pain
   you made my life worth living.
And if I had my life to live over again
I'd spend each and every moment with you.

When we were together
    the moments I treasure with every beat of my heart.
To touch you, to hold you, to feel you, to know you"

     only death could keep us apart

from "Three Times A Lady" written by Lionel Richie

Helloooo

2010-11-29T02:47:00.010-06:00

insomnia (ɪnˈsɒmnɪə)
chronic inability to fall asleep or to enjoy uninterrupted sleep
Related: agrypnotic

It's exactly 2:42 am...I've been awake since 12:30 am...went to bed around 9 pm....

I'm sure the coffee and m&m's that I'm indulging myself with isn't helping, but hey !!! if I can't enjoy some much needed rest I may as well enjoy the awake time...that's my theory anyway...

I spent most of the day unpacking and displaying the Christmas decorations in my home...candles, lights, santas, angels, yule trees...red, green, gold, white, ...lovely reminders of the season.

Historically, Christmas commemorates the birth of Jesus of Nazareth to a young maiden from Galilee.

Theologically, Christmas is the celebration of the incarnation of God in Jesus the Christ, the self-revelation of God to the world in human form for the reconciliation of humanity to Himself. All the details of the various accounts concerning Jesus’ birth revolve around that central truth.

My faith lies in the theological version...

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Happy Thanksgiving to all

2010-11-26T12:18:00.003-06:00

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Bobby and Brian

2010-11-24T11:24:00.002-06:00

Enjoying a slow-paced, quiet morning with two of my best buddies...watching TV

Jack watch us..watching TV

a belated Veterans Day post

2010-11-24T10:32:00.002-06:00

a repost...I needed a smile...'changed it up a bit..

2010-11-19T07:29:00.003-06:00

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Question

2010-11-19T02:32:00.004-06:00

Would he know my name, if he saw me in heaven?

Forever In Our Hearts

2010-11-15T01:25:00.019-06:00

A million times we needed you, a million times we cried,
If love alone could save you, you never would have died.

In life we loved you dearly, in death we love you still,

In our hearts you hold a place that no one can ever fill.

A light from our household is gone, a voice from our life is stilled,
A place in our home is vacant, which never can be filled.
Some may think you are forgotten, though on earth you are no more,
But in our memory you are with us, as you always were before.

It broke our hearts to lose you, but you did not go alone,

A part of us went with you, the day God called you home.

Your precious memories are for keepsakes, with which we'll never part,
God has you safely in his keeping,
... we have you forever in our hearts

you and me, babe.... I'll never let you go.........

Herk

Laura

Eddie

Barbara

Nicki

Brian

Bobby playing the thumping game

da boys

yesterday

2010-11-14T02:16:00.007-06:00

Nov. 13th...seven months
April

May new life

June Nick, Anna and Katy come for a visit

(from Texas)

July Brian and Bobby are here,,for four weeks!

from Texas

August Nicki is here for a week

from Chicago

September Barb and I go to Destin

at school with Thomas for Grandparents Day..

October Ed and Marty are here for a week

from Eden Prairie, Mn.

November

going to Dallas for a week.....

GOD IS GOOD

On Becoming a Slob

2010-11-12T01:51:00.002-06:00

"Main Entry: slob

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: pig

Synonyms: boor, draggletail, hog, ragamuffin, slattern, sloven, swine, tatterdemalion "

I plan to pick up, hang up and clean up...it may even be today!

Letter # 44

2010-11-09T19:58:00.006-06:00

"March 5, 1952

Hello Darling,
   Guess where I am at present. Since it would take approximately 18 days to receive an answer to this query I'll tell you. I'm in the 16th Field Hospital in Nurnburg. Question two, guess what I'm being treated for. Answer, "the mumps"...Now ain't that a shame? A twenty two year old self professed man lying in bed with the mumps. Sounds slightly degrading doesn't it?"

(It turns out he ended up spending 20 days in the hospital, with ice packs between his legs.....that's right...the mumps dropped to his testicles...which could have made him sterile...we lucked out...it did not...proff, we had 5 children together)

"If I'm not mistaken, it has been a month since I've written. I hope you don't think it's because I've forgotten you. How could I when those eleven days in paradise were spent with you .I've often wondered if that wasn't as near heaven as I'll get."   (I'm not sure that I totally believed that at that time...his letters has become so infrequent. ) " I sometimes think that I'm living too much in the past and not giving much thought to the future. You'll have to excuse this penmanship as I'm writing while lying in bed.

Kitten, take some good advice. Have as much fun as possible while you're in high school. Date every available, decent male that you can because you'll miss those good times after you're out of school. Believe it or not, I didn't date anyone while I was in high school.   During the last 4 years I've tried to make up for all the time I lost though,. " (A ha ! is he trying to tell me something? just kidding......he never had a problem saying exactly what was on his mind...not with me anyway.)
"I want you to be sure in your own mind that you're ready to settle down before I get back. I hope that I'm not taking too much for granted in talking to you this way.

Know something, I wish that you and I could take a weeks vacation in Florida about Feb. '53, but there are those social conventionalities that prohibit things of that nature. I don't mean to be vulgar or obscene,but we could have heaps of fun, couldn't we." (Ah..the good 'ol days...when that was considered vulgar and obscene!)

"I've been admiring this latest photo I have of you and you look much older than when I left Prettier too, if that's possible.

You keep asking if I'm coming home in June. Sorry honey, it's impossible. It'll be sometime in Feb. of '53. There's one consolation though, ..I'll be home for good then. Remember this darling, we'll be together again someday. That's a promise.

I love you, Kitten,
Bob"

I would receive only one more letter from him...a month later. Maybe he was still trying to make up for all those "good times" he lost out on during high school :)   ...He loved me though...and he proved it when he came home and for the next 57years ...

"say what?"

2010-11-08T03:52:00.003-06:00

Idle thoughts at 3am...

Do we not all have memories of special words or, beter yet, translations of words that our children have amused us with when they were very young? What came out of the mouth was different than what entered the ear.. Here are three of the Peete family's...that we oft times still use today.

"high heels" became "hill-highs"
"coat hangers" became "hanger-coats"
and my favorite:
"bon fire" became "box-a-fire"

In 2001, while on a visit here is see Barb and David, we had a bon-fire ...what we burned were boxes... Bobby (grandson) who was 4 years old at the time couldn't get the idea of "bon-fire" in his head...we were burning boxes so therefore it was a "box-a-fire"...don't know where the -a- came from...

What were some of your family's?

Pain begets Pleasure..."I don't think so!"

2010-11-05T13:04:00.007-05:00

"If love is a universal language, then the pain it often causes ( some might say it inevitable causes) is equally universal, yet that begs the more important question: Why can sad poems, songs and stories bring us a strange kind of pleasure? I'm sure the psychologist have an answer to that question, and I'm equally sure that it's a different answer than a poet would give.

Maybe, in the end, the answer isn't so complex. A burden born by one can often become too heavy to bear. Maybe, in the end, each of us knows that sharing our pain is the only way we can live with the pain."

I find myself needing to share my grief with anyone who will listen...needing to talk about it all the time..(as the posts on this blog bear wittness to)..and I find that others who have recently experienced loss need to do so as well. I continually cause myself to remember his illness and his death...heaping piles of grief upon my heart...why is this? Is it my way of bearing the pain...is it my way of punishing myself for perhaps some unacknowledged guilt I may have because he suffered and died and I did not...he, the one most undeserving of such suffering! Although I certainly suffered, and continue to do so..he suffered both physical pain and emotional pain and death...I did not
I believe we will be together again some day...but some day is not here yet...and I must try to accept and overcome some things that are killing the old me...Maybe I do need to see a counselor. I know I need adeepe r faith and trust in God.

JUST FOR FUN

2010-11-01T14:33:00.004-05:00

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Halloween Party Saturday night

2010-11-01T03:23:00.000-05:00

Double L and Barb had employees from the shop and their families over for hot dogs, fun and games...I'll have to get pics from Barb's camera as mine was not working good...

this time last year

2010-10-29T08:32:00.001-05:00

May 10, 2009...my sweet husband

four months later...Sept. 2009

After suffering respiratory failure due to 35 radiation treatments on his throat Bob was "off and on" a ventalator in ICU at Baylor Hospital , Plano... from Aug 20th until Sept. 5, (16 days) ...He was then transferred to Kindred Rehab Hospital, Dallas...We were at Kindred from Sept. 5 until Oct. 2nd...He remained in ICU for the first week there...while in ICU I was allowed to use a room on the second floor, when he was able to leave ICU we were given a double room and I was allowed to stay with him day and night..

By the middle of the month he was strong enough to be out of bed for a while....his physical therapist ..she called herself "Sarge"..... worked him hard..

Brian was his radiologist

Barb, David and the little boys came for a visit

we were counting off the days...wanted to be home by his birthday Oct. 5

Sept. 25.. after seven weeks in the two hospitals he was able to go outside for the 1st time

his trech was removed on Sept. 30th.

Oct. 2nd...going home...going home...going...he smiles :)

OCTOBER THRU APRIL 13 TH.

He worked very hard for the next six months trying to recover...

The following is a post from Oct. 24

after having had another scan...

He had just stepped out of the shower... sitting on his bathroom chair ...I was drying him off....he was cold...the phone rang...I threw a towel around his shoulders ...running from the room I said "it may be the doctor"...it was.

"good news...looks like we got it all...he's cancer free"

it looks like?

"The original site is clean"..

he continued.."there's one lymph node in the neck we want to check further...probably just scar tissue...we'll do a CT Scan next week and if it lights up we'll just remove it." ....(if it lights up?)

Now this part is even more strange...I returned to the bathroom and relayed the message to Bobby...all he did was put his arms around me to comfort me as I shed tears (of course) into his neck.

He said nothing.

"Aren't you relieved?"...

a mild "I guess so."...

"you guess so?"

"hadn't you considered the possibility of the treatment not being successful?"

"not really...it's hard for me to get excited about anything .. there's so much wrong with me."

and he was right...there was much wrong..he was too weak, too sick to survive the illnesses that ensued the following five months...pneumonia (twice), sinus infections, edema (fluid accumulation in his throat and arms because of damage to lymph nodes, skin tears that wouldn't heal, arrhythmia, blood clots, continued weight loss, the onset of diabetes and high blood pressure, low oxygen levels, co2retention, seizures, many, many drugs, headaches and eventually a fall that caused brain injury...too much, too much..first he could not walk or stand, then he could not sit could not hear, could not speak, could move only his arms, rarely opened his eyes...could not breathe.

.......... this time last year.........

lets talk about the weather

2010-10-26T23:12:00.001-05:00

Schools were let out at noon...sirens blowing all day....tornado warnings....damageing winds... rain...81 degrees and humid...The center of the first storm passed about 5 miles east of us around 2:15...

The wind was blowing HARD and raining...then it got very still and a bit dark...neighbors and family got into the storm cellar...(except for Barb and David...she went to a friends' who lives behind her shop and David was out of town)

safety

we can all go home now...

no damage...just some tree limbs down and lots of water...

Letter # 42

2010-10-23T05:14:00.013-05:00

February 5, 1952

"Hello Darling,

Still love me? Sure hope you do. I'd almost forgotten how lovely you are until I received your photo in the mail today. Charlene, never let anyone deceive you into believing you aren't beautiful. I'm convinced, and personally, though I'm slightly biased in my opinion of you, I think I have quite a critical eye when comparing and passing judgement on the lovelier sex....look who's talking! As though I could pass judgement on anyone!

I'm pulling duty as "charge of quarters" tonight. Up to now the tour has been somewhat uneventful but business will pick up later.

By the way, the snapshot was taken in front of your home wasn't it?

I'll probably fall asleep before morning. It's now one o'clock. Speaking of sleep, I notice there are slight, dark rings under your eyes. Studying too hard? No joking, your eyes do look a little dark. Take care of yourself, Kitten, for me. Remember, there have been and there may be quite a few other men in your life, but none of them, no not one, will ever love you as I do. I'll prove it too if I should ever get the chance.

I often wonder if I'll ever be content to live in one place the rest of my life. Along this same line is another question...could I expect a wife to follow me from pillar to post? Then I ask myself the sixty four dollar question.Which do you prefer? a wife, or the life of a perpetual globe trotter? The answer is so easy. A wife, family, home and the comforts of marital life. Now you know. I'm a home lover.

Disillusioned?

I'm trying to stay awake and it's a lost cause I'm afraid. There is some guy behind me mumbling something about a jeep and at present it's making no impression on me at all. Speaking of minds, brains and intellect, we'll have to try mental telepathy some time. If you should wake up suddenly some night it could be my fault. It'll be because I'm thinking, or better still, concentrating on you.

I've invested in a new radio since I last wrote you. It's a Zenith, Trans Oceanic. You've seen them I'm sure. I wouldn't take a pretty for mine. I pick up both local and shortwave stations. We picked up Grand Rapids Mi. the other night, It's tuned to some German station right now. The music is sweet and low. It's the slow, dreamy type music you enjoy dancing to when you're with your sweetheart. Would you dance just one dance with me? huh? Please, kitten.

Well kitten, unless I wake up a little I'll never be able to finish this letter. I have your photo propped against an ink bottle and it seems as though you're trying to say something. So far you haven't had a chance to get a word in edgewise. Nevertheless I've enjoyed the conversation. Come again when you have longer to stay -- Whoa Peete! I strayed off on a tangent for a moment, didn't I. As you can see I'm real sleepy so I'll have to say goodnight. Remember my darling - Ich liebe dich. In English it simply means "darling, I love you." always will.

Be sweet libeling,
All my love,
Bob

P.S. If parts in this letter don't make sense, ignore them. All I wanted to say anyway is - I miss you, kitten.
Love forever
Bob"

As things turned out, he loved being home but he also loved to travel and his job allowed him to do that....and I followed him...from Tennessee to Arkansas to Texas to California to Chicago, back to Texas, back to Chicago and then finally, back to Texas.....over 57 years time...I want to say "and I loved every minute of it" but as it is in all of life, there were some times that weren't as wonderful as others...just normal stressful times ...mostly financial...Our marriage, our life together, our children our home, our welfare.. were ALWAYS his number one priority...and he made sure that I knew that...always willing to express his feelings ,,,WHAT A MAN !!!! It's not just because he's gone that I feel this way..I've always felt this way about him...he was, and is, so easy to love.... thank you, my darling..how I wish that I could be sitting beside you, touch your face, hold your hand, hear your voice ..

2007

Generations

2010-10-21T18:57:00.000-05:00

People who don't cherish their elderly
have forgotten whence they came
and whither they go. ~Ramsey Clark

Six days of sightseeing, shopping and visiting with family

2010-10-20T09:50:00.002-05:00

Brother Ed and 'wife Marty arrieved from Minneapolis this past Wednesday...'first time they've been to Alabama since Bob and I moved here. They came to Dallas last summer...prior to that it had been several years since we visited.

He did some work around my house for me...installed a ceiling fan/light fixture in my little "work room" and spent a few hours every day cleaning up my computer...seems to have gotten rid of most of the problems I was having. Marty enjoys reading so whenever we weren't running around she spent her spare time engrossed in a book.

On Saturday we had resevations in Fayetteville, Tn. for lunch at Miss Bobo's.. Originally built in 1867 and named the Salmon House, it served as a traveler’s hotel, operated by Dr. E.Y. Salmon. In 1908, Jack and Mary Bobo purchased the property and named it the Bobo Hotel. Miss Mary Bobo ran the boarding house until her death in 1983, just a few days before her 102nd birthday. The property was then purchased by the Jack Daniels Company.
Miss Bobo's is now run under the direction of Jack Daniel's great-great niece, Miss Lynne Tolley.

"Lynchburg is the seat of Moore County, the smallest county in Tennessee. Even though it’s home to the Jack Daniels Distillery, it’s a dry county and has been ever since Prohibition. And while the Distillery may be the main attraction here, you don't want to miss other local favorites like lunch at Miss Mary Bobo’s Boarding House and a trip to the Lynchburg Hardware And General Store."

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We did not tour the Distillery but continued on over to Sewanee, Tn. Sewanee is a census-designated place (CDP) in Franklin County and is the home of the "University of the South". The population was 2,361 at the 2000 census. ...

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last Saturday we did the "BellBuckle" thing...

I DIED A DEATH

2010-10-11T22:36:00.001-05:00

I died a death but stayed alive
In phantom's likeness I survive
Alive, yet dead, I walk alone
In rooms with walls as cold as stone

I lived a life and dreamed a dream
And loved the life you lived with me
Then in the whisper of a breath
You left, and then I died a death

Though dead I live, I cannot part
From love that lives within my heart
Within my sorrow I must strive
To keep my hope and faith alive

For all the love that I would give
I surely would prefer to live
To be content, not to survive
But feel my spirit come alive

You slowly took your final breath
'Twas me, my dear, who died a death

Elizabeth Santos

How Great Is Our God

2010-10-10T06:46:00.006-05:00

We went to a concert last night...it was just like this, only better...he played guitar instead of piano...also, he didn't need a shave :) If you ever have a chance to see Chris Tomlin don't miss it.
This young man hails from Lufkin in east Texas

Birthdays Past

2010-10-06T08:51:00.001-05:00

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Caramia

2010-10-03T11:24:00.005-05:00

Time does not bring relief

2010-10-03T09:04:00.003-05:00

Time does not bring relief; you all have lied who told me time would ease me of my pain!

I miss him in the weeping of the rain;

I want him at the shrinking of the tide;

The old snows melt from every mountain-side,and last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;

but last year's bitter loving must remain

heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide.

There are a hundred places where I fear to go
- so with his memory they brim.
and entering with relief some quiet place where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, 'There is no memory of him here!'
And so stand stricken, still remembering him.

Edna St Vincent Millay (1892 -1950)

Ever Notice?

2010-10-02T05:53:00.001-05:00

EVER NOTICE, THE OLDER WE GET, THE MORE WE'RE LIKE COMPUTERS ?

WE START OUT WITH LOTS OF MEMORY AND DRIVE,
THEN WE BECOME OUTDATED,
"CRASH" AT ODD MOMENTS,
AND EVENTUALLY HAVE TO GET
OUR PARTS REPLACED

Letter # 41

2010-09-30T03:07:00.009-05:00

Jan. 7, 1952
"Hello Kitten,
   Disgusted with me? I can't blame you since I'm disgusted with myself. I've been so lax in not only my correspondence but everything in general. We, the cadr'e personel of the Stockade, are being worked until all hours of the night. I personally had to work Christmas and New Years eve. Reason; a prisoner, or rather 2 prisoners escaped by climbing the wall. Consequently the major declared that we would guard the wall by walking it in four hour shifts.
   Question, have you received the ring ? I sent it by a friend who was supposed to either deliver it in person or mail it from New York. Actually, I was in doubt as to whether you'd accept it or nay, as it resembles an engagement ring."

(#1, I never received the ring...some friend he had! # 2, I don't understand why he would doubt my accepting an engagement ring from him...all we had talked about since April was being together.)

"Since we're discussing presents, I'm in doubt about your birthdate. It's Jan. 10th. isn't it? I'm not going to ask you what you'd like because that would be futile. You'd never tell me.
   Oh! In case you haven't noticed I've purchased a pen, a Parker 21. It's green. For some reason I like the color green. Wonder why. As you can see though, even a new pen can't improve my penmanship.
   It has been snowing for the past three days and the ground still isn't covered. The snow comes down in cycles of 30 minutes. It's beautiful but I dead the melting. Slop and goo, ugh!
   Everyone at home has written me several times lately, wondering why I don't write. If you see any of them could you and would you please explain that I'm working and seldom have the leisure time in which to write.
   Charlene, it's useless for me to attempt to tell you how much I miss you. Words fail me since my vocabulary isn't any citerion by which to judge my feelings for you. In a simple phrase it means this. I find it impossible to tell you just how much I really love you. I know that I don't prove it by my actions but you can believe this, I love you with all my being. If you're still there when I return I'll prove it, honest. It seems I always end up saying the same things. Since they sound so corny to me, they must really be boresome for you to read. Nevertheless, everything I've written is true and I'm very sincere about it.
   Before I go any further, answer one question, "Is you is, or is you ain't my babyl." I'm a wee bit in doubt since I haven't been answering your letters.

All my love,
Forever, Bob"

Byars Hall HS decade of the 50's

2010-09-27T22:20:00.007-05:00

Covington, Tn.
Sept. 24 & 25

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Questions

2010-09-23T02:31:00.006-05:00

I shamelessly copied the following from another blog
http://heatherpaiges.blogspot.com
I thoroughly enjoyed reading her ...she is an accomplished and interesting writer and this particular post spoke to me in a big way...
I'm trying to cut through the surface of me and consider my motivations.
..it's not much fun.

"Is it wanting nice clothes or is it wanting popularity and acceptance? Is it wanting popularity or is it wanting self-confidence? Is it wanting confidence or is it needing faith?

Is it wanting a car or is it wanting independence and control? Is it wanting independence or is it wanting to depend on something constant?

Is it wanting to be attractive or is it wanting a boy or girlfriend? Is it wanting a bf or gf or is it wanting attention? Is it wanting attention or is it wanting to feel worthy?

Is it working to be good at a skill or is it wanting recognition? Is it wanting recognition or is it building an identity?

Is it really about drugs and alcohol or is it about escape? Is it wanting to escape or is it searching for peace?

Is it wanting stuff or is it wanting satisfaction? Is it wanting satisfaction or is it longing for joy?

Put your faith in God because He is constant. You are worthy in his eyes and if you put your identity in Christ, you will be filled with peace and joy."

my best friend

2010-09-19T08:00:00.003-05:00

"Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:

The tendency to desire what is best for the other
Sympathy and empathy
Honesty
Mutual understanding and compassion
Trust in one another
Positive reciprocity - a relationship is based on equal give and take between the two parties "

my best friend

Regardless of how much you love one another, regardless of what a "good" person your friend is, in spite of the fact that he fulfilled all of the qualities of a true friend as mentioned above...there are things... little things that sometimes become so repetitive.... so routine....so "expected"...that they can create a little bit of annoyance. I know Bob exhibited some of these but for the life of me I'm able to recall only one...his obsession over politics and his habit of adamantly expressing his view of same...

Now, that's a small thing in the grand scheme of life...this is not what I remember,,,,think about daily...moment by moment. What occupies my mind and fills my heart with gratitude are not only the "big" things but the many "small" acts of kindness and demonstrations of love that he showered on me...and our children...those are the things that stay in the forefront of my mind...that come and go throughout the day...every day...

If you lose a best friend, the good things are what you will remember...so when you become annoyed over small things....think of what makes them your best friend...treasure all that you share together and be grateful.

I love you, my darling, and miss you so very much.

Pictures can tell it all...

2010-09-18T15:19:00.005-05:00

Nov. 2, 2010..take back America

Why I Believe

2010-09-18T14:36:00.005-05:00

Creation

Good Morning all...

2010-09-18T06:44:00.003-05:00

had my coffee on the back porch around half past five this morning...I was out there early enough to see two young deer walk out of the woods and go across the back yard down by the creek and into the wooded area on the other side of Barb and Dave's property....'didn't have my camera handy but took pictures a few moments later..

the story of my life...so to speak

2010-09-17T07:10:00.002-05:00

letter # 40

2010-09-17T03:38:00.009-05:00

Dec. 12, 1951

Hi Kitten,
   I've just gotten out of bed after 15 wonderful hours of sleep. It was the first night in over a month that I've slept more than 6 hours. Since I've changed positions my working day averages 15 hours. After bathing, shaving and what have you, that leaves little or no time in which to sleep. You can see why my letters are so irregular.
   A friend of mine, my former room-mate has left for the states. Don't be surprised if you see a handsome young Italian standing on your front porch some morning. He's another Rudolph Valentino, so beware. He's also bearing a gift from me to you. If he doesn't deliver it in person he'll mail it so that it will arrive by Christmas. I only hope you'll accept it, as it's slightly suggestive. The gift expresses only slightly what I feel for you.
   (the handsome Italian never showed up or mailed the ring...some friend he was!)
    I think I'll take in a movie tonight. Care to go along? Might be fun. After the show we'll go to some secluded cafe here in the walled city and talk over old times. It won't be elaborate but I promise it shan't be boring either. Speaking of boresome evenings, remember the night my tire went flat in front of your house. To top this off it rained all night, the movie was boring, etc. It could have been very dull if you hadn't been so generous. Remember when I kissed you and I said "Charlene, you can beat that", and your snappy repartee was, and I quote, "I didn't kiss you Bob, you kissed me." Then you gave me a few lessons on the how, when, where and why of the kiss. T'was wonderful. I'd like to put in my application for an extended and advanced course to last indefinitely, under your tutorship. Do you think it could be arranged? I'll try to master the fundamentals and technique and become your best pupil.
(is that not the cutest guy in the world?)

   I must quit for a few minutes because I definitely must shave before chow. See you again in a few...
(upon reading this Barbara remarked "he probably had to go take a cold shower!) :)

   Hello again. That few minutes lasted exactly 21 hours, a movie and a trip to the American Club. The picture was nothing short of great. I'm probably prejudiced though, the leading males name was "Pete".You've seen the movie, I'm sure. It was "Force Of Arms" starring William Holden and Nancy Olsen. She's a blond, kinda cute, like you. Somehow though, she just doesn't come up to par with Miss Stallings.
   Speaking of feminine pulchritude, you should see Hump's new girl friend. A combination Lana Turner and Bettye Grable. She's tall and, unlike most German women, has pleanty of money. Not that Hump would allow money to influence him, yuk, yuk.
It''s almost 12, I'd better get to bed if I intend to work tomorrow. So goodnight, darling, sweet dreams and sleep tite.
    click ---goodnight
I love you, Charlene
Bob

PS. Believe it or not, I'm going to write more often. This is the first letter I've written in weeks.
      I'd give anything if we could spend Christmas together.

something is askew

2010-09-16T18:32:00.002-05:00

and it's my blog templete...I now have two on the same blog...did you notice? When my blog opens there's this yukie mustard color templete that appears for a few seconds...then the latest one that I've been using shows up...but the color of the title text is white ? and meshes right in with the background...oh, well...I guess there are worse things...

School Day's,

2010-09-15T04:15:00.005-05:00

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later today

2010-09-13T13:18:00.003-05:00

It's been a very nice morning, compared to the way it started... back around 2 or 3 am...
I went back to sleep around 4 am and slept 'til 7:30. I walked across the yard to Barb's and David's and had some coffee and toast with them. I then worked in the yard until noon...watering, pulling weeds, planting some mums that I had purchased a couple of days ago...I sat in my swing and had iced coffee...I stayed busy, and out of the house...it's lovely today..don't know what the temp is but I have my doors and windows open and I put my birds out on the back porch table and shaded the top of their cage.
After I get cleaned up I want to go to Hobby Lobby (for some knitting yarn...Barb and I have started making neck scarves for Christmas)..Pet Smart, for another fish, maybe Lowe's or WalMart for some pine bark to put around my flower beds...not sure if I'll manage to accomplish all of that.

I did not go to aquacise class today...only once in the last two weeks..it's at 8:30 am, downtown Huntsville...and most mornings I just don't want to get up and out in the traffic that early. It's not that I'm not up...I just want to stay home...lack of motivation I guess ...or perhaps something else...what's that scripture where Paul writes about that.?..1 Corinthians 9:8-10 "For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.".. I know the things that I should do but I don't do them, and I know the things that I shouldn't do, and do them anyway!!!! That's me alright..and I'm not proud of it..

What color would you like?...anyone?...we are using very large needles..size 32!..so it's a loose weave and we can make one in about 3-4 hours... how would I ever survive without my camera and computer?

Five Months

2010-09-13T04:59:00.009-05:00

It was three am that Tuesday morning, April 13th. As was my custom I had rolled the hospital bed over beside the couch where I laid in the evenings...sometimes drifting off to sleep for a while. I just wanted to be where I could touch him, hear him breathe...He had not opened his eyes or spoken for over a week ?? . His breathing pattern had changed that night...short, deep gasp-like...growing further and further apart. As I wept, begging God to take him, please don't leave him like this any longer... he took his last breath. Nicki heard me and came into the room..."he's gone,honey" I said...she called Barbara.... Barbara called our hospice nurse ..they took him away.
Will there ever be a time when I no longer dwell on this?

nothin' much

2010-09-12T18:55:00.003-05:00

girl with a bow

The Bridge

The back porch

the "office"

I finally got it un-cluttered ?? at least, the floor is uncluttered :)

Two of My Favorite Little Girls

2010-09-09T12:10:00.003-05:00

Lincoln County, Tennessee

2010-09-06T23:06:00.004-05:00

Barbara and I took a long, afternoon drive today...we went by the cemetery and continued through the country to Fayetteville ... and beyond .When returning from another trip last month she had noticed a place that sold garden bridges, etc. . After calling the phone number that was posted there she decided to go back by and check it out. She purchased the one in the picture... to be placed across a ditch between our two backyards...and she is considering buying the gazebo to hang her wooden swing in. We then stopped by a country store...I don't believe they were Amish or Mennonite but they sold homemade fresh breads, candies, fruits, nuts, jellies and jams... sandwiches, fried pies, etc. We had a late lunch and then stopped by WalMart in Fayetteville on our way back.

Last night we saw George Clooneys new movie, The American...I have to give it a 2...my recommendation is "don't waste your money"...

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Swim, Eat, Play

2010-09-06T10:06:00.002-05:00

Sunday am started off pretty rough for me...but ended up nice..LL and Jason had their last swim party ...lots of mild sunshine and plenty of good food.
Then Barb, Judy Posey and I went to a movie...bad...bad...bad...."The American"...I'm dispointed in you George Cloony....it started off with a bang then slowed down to a c r a w l .

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Letter # 33

2010-09-05T23:26:00.004-05:00

Nurnberg, Germany
10 October 1951

"Darling,
   I am honestly ashamed of myself. I've just finished reading your most recent letter and please believe me, I did not realize that I had been neglecting you so. I've realized for quite some time that I haven't been writing as often as I should, not only to you, but everyone. You're the last person in the world that I would hurt, intentionally or otherwise. Please believe me when I say that I'm sorry. Your love is all that matters to me in this thing we call life. Without you there's nothing for me As you stated in your letter, it takes something like this to make a person realize how much they love someone. The only thing that has kept me from writing is that we were working so late for a while. The pressure has let up some this last week and while we're enjoying the respite I intend to catch up on back correspondence.
Hump is back here at the stockade now as a disciplinary guard. He's really anxious to get back home too. It seems as though he doesn't care for this army life any more than I do.
   You were discussing the night we went to Riverside Park and the Belmont. You asked if I remembered. Every day, every night, every hour that we were together are embedded in my mind. One doesn't forget the happiest moments of their life. I can't remember the exact moment I realized that you were the love of my life. I suppose it dawned on me the night we were sitting in front of your house and you said that you loved me. I wanted to tell you how I felt but couldn't because of the past. Now I know there was never a past. My life began when I met you
   Kitten, I'll close for tonight and if this letter does nothing but prove that I love you I'll consider it a success.

Sweet dreams darling,
I love you.
Bob

P.S. Are you still angry? Don't be please.
PPS. Tell Molly thanks for offering the reassurance.
PPPS. My what naughty language you use!

He would be dissapointed in me

2010-09-05T10:41:00.004-05:00

It's Sunday morning and I did not go to church...again...just don't want to be around anybody...especially a crowd..can't shake this depression...damn pills just make my stomach hurt and cause weight gain...have a follow-up with my doctor this month...maybe we can try something different...again. 'Been like this since returning from my visit to Covington last Monday...not sure how I'll handle the reunion later this month ..It's ok until I return home. Sometimes I really don't want to see any of those who I went to school with...I don't know any of them...I knew them then but that was over 50 years ago..I do not know them now and they do not know me. Barbara moved all of her appointments on that Friday and Saturday in order to go with me...I have to go.
I just want to be with you, Bob...I miss you so much darling...no one really knows the depth of my sorrow...you are in my thoughts constantly...occasionally it makes me smile, mostly it makes me cry. I saw some of the Texas/Rice game yesterday...it hurt...how many football games have we watched together...how many.... I watch movies to try and think of something else...how many movies have we watched together...how many... I'm so lonely....how many times did we just sit together, holding hands...how many......how many times in our life together did we make love to each other?...how many.. You have been part of me my entire life...the 16 years that I lived before we met do not count for anything...those years were lonely, empty, needy...then you came into my life and changed it all...I began to live...you gave me your love, you gave me your children, you gave me a home, you gave me safety, you were devoted, faithful, encouraging....an honorable man......to say that it is so hard to live without you is such an understatement....do you know? I hope that you do not...I want you to be at peace and just waiting for me to join you.....that's probably not the way its going to be, but I can hope. I cannot bare to think that we will never know each other again. After giving us the life that we had together that would be so unkind of God to do that.

52 DEGREES THIS AM :)

2010-09-04T10:18:00.006-05:00

Early this am two red fox playing in the back yard...
made coffee...fed fish...fed birds
now what?

If he were here with me he'd be watching football news ..or Fox News

then maybe we'd go out for a late breakfast to IHOP,

where we would share a Country Omlet

and blintzes with apples

then he would read

then he would watch football with his boys

I'm gonna miss football season in Texas

Trinity In The Fields

2010-09-03T11:32:00.005-05:00

Trinity In The Fields, or "Old Trinity" as it is also called, is an Episcopal Church located in Tipton County on the Charleston/Mason Rd. off hwy.70, four miles east of Mason, Tn. Built in 1847 by slaves to replace St. Andrew's, which had burned in 1845, the church with it's 20 x 40 foot sanctuary was named "Trinity Episcopal." In 1977 it was placed on the National Register of Historical Places. Some of Bob's ancestors are buried there....his great grandparents, Edwin Robert Peete and wife, Jane Eleanor Taylor and their children, one of whom was his great uncle, Judge John Y. Peete and wife, Roberta Somervill. When Judge Peete died in 1928 he left a farm which was to be sold, with the money to be invested in the Episcopal Endowment Corp. This fund was to be used for the upkeep of Old Trinity...with one stipulation - one service a year was to be held at Old Trinity, with a bishop of the church present and with dinner on the grounds. In 1994, Bob, Barbara, her son Ben, and I visited on that Sunday. I believe it was in May. This past Monday when LL and I stopped by there we observed the condition of the floors inside the church.....very unsafe..she would not come past the front door...so I'm not sure that they still meet there.

The large angel monument marks the graves of Judge Peete and Roberta Somervill. The six infant grave markers to the right of it are his brothers and sisters, three dying at birth and 3 dying very young. Another brother was Eugene Hart, Bob's grandfather, who lived 49 years...from 1858 to 1907 and is buried in Covington.. He was killed accidently while attempting to intervene in an altercation betweet his friend, James Rutherford and James' wife. Eugene had served as county clerk of Tipton County.

In September of 1994 vandalism occured and many of the markers were knocked down by auto and broken.. The broken pieces have since been placed on concrete slabs and bonded together, as you can observe in the pictures. Also measures have been taken to cause it to be very difficult to drive onto the property.

some of the pictures in this slide show were taken this past Monday, others are from previous years visits.

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Tennessee

2010-09-03T08:23:00.004-05:00

This past Sunday afternoon Laura Leigh drove me over to Covington, Tn. to attend a luncheon on Monday. We enjoyed a nice meal and visited briefly with some of my high school classmates from "class of '53"... before and after...(whom I have not seen since 1953) ...this monthly meeting preceeds the "50's decade reunion" that will be going on later this month..

We traveled on hwy.64 along the southern edge of the state.....from middle Tn. (Fayetteville) to far west Tn... (Memphis)...then north about 35 miles to Covington. We enjoyed it in spite of the persistant rain. I amused myself by shooting pictures along the way...most of which was through the windshield..so are not the best quality...it was a pleasant and peaceful drive. Thank you my dear LL...

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The Dance

2010-08-31T04:15:00.006-05:00

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goin on an over- nighter

2010-08-29T10:53:00.005-05:00

Laura Leigh and I will be heading out this afternoon..to Covington, Tn....just north of Memphis. That is where I lived from age 10 to 19. The high school I attended is holding a "50's decade" reunion next month and some of those involved with the planning, along with other "old-timers" who still live around there have been meeting for lunch one day a month for a while....so we will be taking the five hour drive to join them on Monday..long drive for a lunch :)...My sister still lives in Memphis and my brother-in-law near Covington...so it's not as though we were just going for lunch. Barb had planned to go with me but forgot and enrolled in a class that's out of town...She's been a hair stylist for 30 years and is one of, if not THE best in this area...but still takes classes a couple of times a year...that's probably why she's so good and has such a successful business...she stays current on everything related to the beauty industry....anyway, she would not agree to my going by myself so my sweet grand-daughter is taking me...what a trouper!..willing to have lunch with all us old-timers.
I'm looking forward to (I think) driving around Covington and seeing the places Bob and I spent time together...we stayed in Covington for the first year after we married before moving to Memphis.

the county courthouse on the square..present day

1987 we were back for a visit...I worked at Roper Drugs for several years while in school. The house Bob and I had an apartment is down this street, on the left..and down at the very end of the street you can see a small building...that is a clinic where my mother worked and where our first child was born.

520 W. Liberty...the home my mother grew up in and where, until Bob and I married, I lived with her, my grandmother and my four siblings

my mother, grandmother and possibly my great grandmother on the front steps of that house

Bob and I rented an apartment in the upper left hand side of this house on Main St. ..the first year we were married. ...we paid $50 per month for a three roon, furnished apartment in this lovely old home....This picture was made much later..ie auto in drive is not a 50's vehicle and there was no cirular drive in the front at that time..

Letter #31

2010-08-26T15:13:00.008-05:00

September 8, 1951
Nurnberg, Germany
"Hello Darling,
Have you at times been unable to compose a letter to someone you loved? It happened to me last night and the person to whom I'm referring is you of course. I pondered for two nights and finally gave up. Then as I lay in bed at the point of sleep the thoughts that had eluded me came as if the answer to a puzzle. All the thoughts and aspirations fitted together, a vision of you and the last day we were together. I felt as though it had all been a dream. Reality could not be that wonderful. My life was brimming with happiness, dreams had been fulfilled. I had been awarded my loftiest ambition, the love of my life on earth. Then, certain that I'm the luckiest male on earth I drifted off into untroubled slumber. Now I'm sitting in a room devoid of color, trying to place together the fragments of those thoughts..
As of last week I'm the head cat in the confinement of prisoners. I haven't decided whether it's a promotion or a demotion. I did get a private office out of the deal though. At present it is being redecorated and I'm using a temporary office. I say office, in truth it's only a cubby hole when compared to the other rooms but it'll have to do for the time being. Actually I'm tickled pink to have an office of my own even though it's ridiculously small.

   No, I haven't received the package you sent yet. I meet the postman twice a day. I would meet him more often but he only makes two trips to the APO daily.
   I'm listening to a sports program over AFN. I've noticed that Tennessee is the top team in the nation. It would be great if you and I could see some of the games together this year. When I was a civilian I lived behind Crump Stadium. I saw some terrific games, both college and prep school. They had the East-West Prep School championship game there this year.
   Hump, Sgt Rivera and I went out the other night to paint the town red.It would have been very unusual if we hadn't wound up in a Gasthaus. That is a combination restaurant and beer hall. Some joker came in taking pictures and we had one made. I'm enclosing it within the letter so don't be surprised at what you see. Personally I think I look like a criminal. But then I'm definitely the criminal type...no wise cracks.

Charlene, this is a short letter I know. There is so little to talk about except us. You and I. Sometimes I think I use the subject too much, then again, the thought of you and our love makes me realize that, though I talk long and earnestly about it, I could never cover the subject as it should be. I think of all the things we could do together for fun, Cotton Carnival, swim, dance, picnic, movies, long trips on Sunday such as Reeffoot Lake or Hot Springs, Ar. Yes I'm seeing some of the world but I'd rather see and be with my "SCHATZI"
(I had to look that up...it's German for honey, sweetie, darling, precious, treasure...)

I'm leaving for tonight but I'll be back.. In the meantime be good and have fun.

Love and kisses,
Bob

Thinking of you, Laura

2010-08-26T13:02:00.003-05:00

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Weekend in Florida

2010-08-24T23:29:00.004-05:00

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Destin, Fl.

2010-08-20T12:48:00.023-05:00

Barb and I...just the two of us...gonna enjoy some sun, eat seafood, shop, maybe a movie.....leave in the morning...376 miles down the entire state of Alabama...and it's a looong state...will return Monday....

pictures later...

"before"... Once upon a time... (57 years ago)

my bathing suit was yellow.

I may show some "after"pictures later...or maybe not.

Cowboys are Special

2010-08-19T06:44:00.001-05:00

A Rerun

looking inside

2010-08-18T05:23:00.004-05:00

My passion is ...

my family

I know too much about ...

sorrow

My grandmother always told me...

do your best

My childhood ambition ..

to have someone to love me

and have a home and family

My favorite memory is..

the first time I saw Bob

My worst memory is...

watching him die

Why I write ...

it's freeing

What I am reading/watching/listening to ...

the humming of the little fan on my desk

My first job was ..

babysitting

My best moment ...

becoming a mother...five times

Letter # 26

2010-08-16T22:37:00.011-05:00

I need very much to hear Bob speak to me tonight....so I got out his letters and pretended I was 16 again...I was unable to fool my heart tho, as the tears continue to flow and the heart continues to ache...

"Aug. 29,1951
Nurenburg, Germany

Hi Kitten,
   Just got back from a movie and was it exciting! It was a western, one of those rip-roaring, wild, woolly and full of fleas type. And you should have seen all the beautiful women, all dead and scalped. I suppose that you know by now how well I like that kind of show...
   How are things and people around and about Covington? Got a letter dated the 23rd. and you seem to be enjoying life. I'm really glad that you're having fun. I only wish that we were having it together.
   My apologies for not writing more often. The reason I haven't is simple. I thought that your feelings for me had changed in the time we've been separated. Not that I care less for you because I still care for you as much if not more than when I left."

   It hurts me even now, 59 years later, that he ever thought that I no longer loved him...I don't know what was said or done to cause him to think that.

   "And as far not wanting your letters that is absolutely not true. They mean everything to me.
   So Dad took you and Molly to dinner. I'm glad to know that. He should do it more often. I haven't any idea why he thinks I can come home for Christmas though. Furlough time accrues at the rate of 2 1/2 days per month and that would give me only 19 days for traveling and time at home.

   You know something Charlene, we need to have a discussion, you and I, about us."

That is SO like him...he was always up front about whatever was on his mind or bothering him....he was always good at "communicating"...on the other hand, my feelings usually have to be pryed out of me...at least when it comes to something unpleasant or anything that results in a confrontation...we were quite different in a lot of ways....back to his letter...

   "It's hard to discuss anything by correspondance because of the time it takes to receive an answer but here goes. You know that I'm deeply in love with you and at present there is nothing I can do to prove it but write. You also know that it will be 18 months before we see each other again. As you've said before, we both will change in some respects. Maybe not in our physical self but more or less in our aspect on life. In your case, you're still in school and there is a chance that you'll meet some young swain that will have more on the ball than me (no way...never in a million years...I never thought that) and its possible that you'll fall for him. (I hope that never happens) To sum it all up,in short, here it is. I love you and want you to wait for me, but if you should fall for someone else, be honest with me. If I should ever care for someone more that you, believe me, I would tell you.

   As far Spike Jones ruining our song...he can't do that to us. It isn't nice for him to slaughter such beautiful music. ..especially "Too Young".
   Time for lights out so this will have to be goodnight.

Sweet Dreams Kitten,
Much love,
Bob

P.S. I'll write more often, I promise.
PPS 'Still love me? huh?
PPPS Thanks again for the pictures. They're really good. Got anymore?.

I Loved You First

2010-08-14T17:29:00.013-05:00

When I saw the title of this poem I immediately thought of my grandson , Bobby, and the little "game" he plays...whenever I say "I love you", he replies, "I love you more", to which I reply, "I love you more-er, to which he responds, I love you more-er-est...and on and on...Here's the sweet little guy helping his Meme with an earring last week.

I like this poem...I wish that I could write poetry...I love the way it so clearly expresses some one's feelings..

Monna Innominata [I loved you first]

by Christina Rossetti

I loved you first: but afterwards your love,

Out soaring mine, sang such a loftier song

As drowned the friendly cooings of my dove.

Which owes the other most? My love was long,

And yours one moment seemed to wax more strong;

I loved and guessed at you, you contrued me

And loved me for what might or might not be—

Nay, weights and measures do us both a wrong.

For verily love knows not 'mine' or 'thine';

With separate 'I' and 'thou' free love has done,

For one is both and both are one in love:

Rich love knows nought of 'thine that is not mine';

Both have the strength and both the length thereof,

Both of us, of the love which makes us one.

Dear Cheryl, Tina...and other unnamed persons

2010-08-14T05:35:00.004-05:00

.....many thanks for your prayers and for"sticking with me"...I'm sure my blog is not a fun place to visit and a real turn-off for most people...I suppose I use it to get some of the troubled, mixed up feeling out of my mind...has it helped.?..I believe so....'gonna try and change the "tone" to something a bit more pleasant. (That's a sign right there that I'm getting better isn't it!)

Well, lets see how long this attitude will last

I'm sure I'll fall off the wagon from time to time.

Four Months

2010-08-13T08:46:00.007-05:00

121 days....without you
121 days....waiting for it to get easier
121 days....wondering where your soul is
121 days....wanting to be where ever you are
121 days....wishing, regetting, remembering

121 nights....alone

You'll Never Know

2010-08-12T23:21:00.004-05:00

It was always just you...and now you're gone.

Where are you...are you okay?

There's never a moment when I'm not thinking of you

remembering remembering remembering

Everything is in the past.

I want to see you, I want to hear your voice,

I want to hold your hand and feel your touch.

You were a part of me and now that large part of me is empty

and it hurts.

I miss you so much and

you'll never know

full house

2010-08-08T08:34:00.006-05:00

We've had lots of good company for a while.
Bobby here for a month...then Brian the last two weeks. Nicki since Wednesday...Laura, with two of her girls and her three grandchildren arrived Saturday...
UNFORTUNATELY,,,B & B, Laura and her family are leaving tonight!... and Nicki will be going back to Chicago Wednesday...this place is really going to be quiet, empty and lonely. B & B will be flying back to Dallas but Laura and her "crew" will be driving the 12 hours...part way tonight and the balance tomorrow...don't envy them that drive...Bob and I made it many times coming over here from Dallas.

I didn't get many good pictures while they were here...My camera was on a wrong setting and most of the ones I took were not in focus...I'm sure there will be many good ones on Barbs camera...will post some of them later..
Yesterday all of us (13) enjoyed the pool at Laura Leigh's house

I got some new friends...meet Jack and Jill...tiger barbs...really too small to see right now...waiting for the new aquarium's water to make it through the neutralizing period so I can add more fish...

letter # 25

2010-08-06T08:31:00.010-05:00

August 21,1951

"Hi Stranger,
   "Long time no see." Seems a bit strange sitting here writing letters again. It has been quite a while you know.
   Tonight I'm being initiated into the mysteries of a C.Q's duties here at the stockade. If it means anything, C.Q. is the abbreviation for "Charge of Quarters." It's only a practice run tonight but Sat. , starting at 12 noon , I'll be on duty 20 hours until 8 o"clock Sunday morning. It gets quite lonely about 1 am in the prison compound, believe me 20 hours duty without sleep doesn't appeal to me.
   I've received 4 letters from you since Thursday and I'm sorry that I haven't answered them sooner but I've been busy as a one eyedman in a three ring circus for the past 2 weeks.
We had an accident yesterday. One of the prisoners was killed by a tank retriever. Now don't ask me what that is because frankly, I don't know. The man's back was broke and he died almost instantly. Hideous way to die isn't it. Personally, I'd much prefer to die of old age. It wouldn't break my heart at all if I should live to be a hundred.
   Was I embarrassed after hearing of the mix up in letters between you and Dad. My face is still a deep scarlet. I don't care for you reading my letters to him, but the idea of him reading my mail to you really mortifies me. Not that I care for anyone knowing how I feel toward you, it's just the idea of...well, you know what I mean.
   As a rule I go to school 2 nights a week, have C.Q. once or twice, so you can see how busy I am. You'd think with all the work there is to do there would be a little news. It's obvious by this letter though that there isn't.
   About those pictures you sent. "Thanks a million." They only prove what I've thought all along...how can one girl have so much. Seems slightly unfair the way beauty is distributed around Covington. I have all your pictures on the wall's of my locker. My favorite is one of the first you sent. You're standing with your weight on one leg and your head is tilted back slightly. You have on a plaid dress, I think. This picture really appeals to me.
   Well Kitten, it's about time for head count again, so I'll just quit for tonight. Goodnight, pleasant dreams, I hope you sleep well.
As ever,
Bob"

Compared to his other letters this one seems a bit "cool" ???? Wonder if I sensed this at the time? I wonder if he had met "Ellen"? His writing did become less frequent....26 letters the first two months he was gone...June and July..., only 4 in August...and only 19 letters the following 16 months....they ceased in April 1952...one year after he left and 8 months before he returned....I never did receive a "dear John"...as best as I can remember he just stopped writing. I heard through his sister that he had met someone over there that he was involved with, and I was dating and "involved with" someone else also...I'm sure he knew about that...so I was quite surprised when he returned and everything between us was just as it had been when he left.

from The Rocket City

2010-08-03T22:21:00.006-05:00

US Space and Rocket Center...Huntsville, Al.

Bobby and Brian enjoyed shotting off their rockets tonight...trouble is, Bobby only got off three launches before his came down who knows where...and Brian only one launch.....Brian launched his before I could get pictures....they are now left with their launch pads, some extra fuel cells, the igniters but...no rockets...expensive toy for 15 min. of fun .

Thelma and Louise

2010-08-02T15:46:00.002-05:00

Meet my 2 new friends...

Camp Rocks

2010-07-30T17:27:00.006-05:00

Make your own scrapbook

Today was the last day of the 5 day Win Shape camp for Bobby...1/2 day only today, family invited and lunch provided by Chick-fil-A...attendance today appx. 600 !!!!
Truett Cathy, founder of Chick-fil-A, started Win Shape Foundation in 1984, a non-profit and charitable foundation with a simple but profound goal, to help "shape winners."
It was a good experience for Bobby....activity oriented but Christ centered teaching.
A full week for me...as I erred on the date of the camp that was held in Huntsville, the one I originally registered him for...it was held last week and the week was over before I realized it...the one this week was in Decatur, Al....about 50 miles from us...so it was an hour trip each way at 7am to take him and another hour over and hour back at 5 pm to pick him us... alotta driving and alotta gas....
A friend of ours (Chatty Cathy, as she is known) works in Decatur and was able to take him two of the mornings...so that helped me out a lot...thanks Cathy!
I enjoyed the time there today but it was 100 degrees and we were outside at least half the morning....
I'm glad this week is over :D)